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The Profane

General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
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ajduclos
Posts: 1746
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2019 1:35 pm

The Profane

Post by ajduclos » Wed May 06, 2020 10:03 am

I came up with some music a few days ago and as often happens the music tickled my Muse and some lyrics started to take shape.

So, outside from the shelter of NaPo 2020, let the arrows fly !!!

The Profane 

I saw Mother Nature rise up
   I saw her respond that day
She forced herself from her deathbed
   She surveyed all with dismay 

I saw her cry from sorrow
   I saw she was in pain
 
I heard Mother Nature speaking
   I heard the sound of her voice
She softly spoke of her feelings
   She said there was no choice

I saw her reach for her quiver
   I saw her weep again 

     She let fly a lethal arrow
     It must be done she said
     I will not let my home crumble
     I must stop the spread 

I saw Mother Nature crying
   Her tears falling far and wide
Coal holes and oil extraction
   Climate and air can't abide

I saw her anger rising
   I saw her fight the strain 

     She launched a volley of arrows
     It must be done she said
     I'll end Gaia's defilement
     The vermin must be dead      

I saw Mother Nature rise up
   I saw her hover the earth
I heard her bellow her fury
   I'm done with this human curse

I saw her unleash her arrows
   I saw them fall like rain
I saw her empty her quiver
   I saw the profane slain 

  
     

 

indar
Posts: 2908
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 8:00 am

Re: The Profane

Post by indar » Wed May 06, 2020 10:13 am

Hooray Another post--NaPo poets are coming back to life slowly but surely. This write needs no music but I did hear some in my head as I read it. Mother Nature in your poem speaks as well for the very vermin she intends to rid herself of, me for instance, I drive a car with an internal combustion engine and although i'm trying, I do use plastic--its almost unavoidable and participate in most of the other things that harm her. Yet I cheer for her side. Crazy mixed emotions and your lyrics sum it up. Will you be giving voice to this on that other board?

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Colm Roe
Posts: 2697
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 12:45 am

Re: The Profane

Post by Colm Roe » Wed May 06, 2020 11:31 am

Hi AJ,
While I fully support the sentiment I think using rhyme
takes away from the gravitas of the message.
Welcome back to the arena :)

ajduclos
Posts: 1746
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2019 1:35 pm

Re: The Profane

Post by ajduclos » Wed May 06, 2020 2:07 pm

Hi Colm - glad to be back.  Hope to put in an appearance once in a while and go a few rounds now that the NaPo gloves are off  ;)
I agree that a free form poem might paint the gravity of the message a bit more strongly, but this is a song, written to composed music... these are lyrics induced by the music.  I might be able to drop the rhymes, but with a structured write I'm not sure it would be more forceful.  Excellent thought nonetheless - I will have to try to write lyrics with out rhymes - but my brain wants to rhyme especially in song.
Hope you and your daughter are safe and well.
Aj   

ajduclos
Posts: 1746
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2019 1:35 pm

Re: The Profane

Post by ajduclos » Wed May 06, 2020 2:15 pm

indar wrote:
Wed May 06, 2020 10:13 am
Hooray Another post--NaPo poets are coming back to life slowly but surely. This write needs no music but I did hear some in my head as I read it. Mother Nature in your poem speaks as well for the very vermin she intends to rid herself of, me for instance, I drive a car with an internal combustion engine and although i'm trying, I do use plastic--its almost unavoidable and participate in most of the other things that harm her. Yet I cheer for her side. Crazy mixed emotions and your lyrics sum it up. Will you be giving voice to this on that other board?
Hi Linda - I will be putting in sporadic appearances.  Thanks for the comments.  Mother Nature gives warning through that vision-song.  And we all share the guilt. 
I'm not sure when I'll be able to record this one, or any others awaiting recording.  My quiet place, the Maine farm, has been co-opted by my darling gardening wife from yesterday through mid-October.  So my only opportunities to record will be in those few days she may stray away from the farm............ But when I do record, I will post in "the Commons."
Hope you are well.
Aj   
 

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