Air

[Colm Roe]

A drift of air, redirected.
Channelled through ever smalling space,
lifts to a breeze, carousels imps
to surprise and ruffle hair.
Lonely dogs imagine kindly hands, then
utter faint disappointed barks.

Deciduous hedges, their leaves wax,
and shine
delicious shades, blue-green
on calm summer days,
now twist and reveal their other side
silvered by the disturbance,
a rich rejection.

It will pass soon,
this drift of air.

[indar]

Hi Colm,

This write seems a bit out of your usual style (surely its not about death). I'm not certain if the temporary disturbance is meant as an analogy for current world problems or not. There is a tone of pleasantness to it that implies "not" to me but the message seems mixed. I think there could be a little hedge trimming

Calm summer days,
on deciduous hedges
leaves wax and shine 
delicious shades, blue-green,
now twist to reveal their other side
silvered by the disturbance:
a rich rejection.

Enjoyed the read--a moment in time--I hope someone pets that poor dog   Please excuse the tinkering
 

[Colm Roe]

It's just a simple poem about a summer breeze and maybe life/death but mostly the former.
After writing it I did think it might be taken up differently, especially the ruffled hair
Thanks for your suggested edit...these short poems can be tricky.

[murmac]

.

[Colm Roe]

Glad you enjoyed it murmac

[Janet 77]

Hello Colm, I love  the language in this poem, and the pace. "a drift of air" is beautiful and original. I think of drift as a verb, or a noun when I think of a snow drift, but I've never thought of air that way. It really caught my imagination. The image of the lonely dogs dreaming of kind pets is touching. In the second stanza when you use deciduous and then delicious, it really is kind of delicious (if one loves words). I have to say, the ending, the two line stanza, left me wanting more. That isn't necessarily a bad thing, it just felt like I needed to know more about where this drift of air might go next. But, I respect your poetly wisdom in knowing where your poem ends. Thank you for sharing this. ~ j 

[Colm Roe]

Thank you for your approval Janet.
Yes, the end was quite abrupt for two reasons. I didn't want to overwrite it with a 'killer' ending.
And it was just a fleeting thing, so it needed to be dropped accordingly.

[ajduclos]

Hi Colm - At first, like Linda, I thought it might be metaphor for our current viral times, especially
"now twist and reveal their other side
silvered by the disturbance,
a rich rejection"
But I soon got a sense that this was a moment, one to enjoy for it's simple pure beauty... and it brought me calm - and breath, as murmac says.
Yes, short poems can be very tricky - a tendency to try to say too much with too few words.  I'm struggling mightily with a short poem at the moment........
Be well.
Aj   

[Matty11]

A drift of air, redirected.
Channelled through ever smalling space,
lifts to a breeze, carousels imps
to surprise and ruffle hair.
Lonely dogs imagine kindly hands, then
utter faint disappointed barks.

Yes, you could go more...or less...with just the above...or stay as is...either way the poem succeeds...simple is not easy

enjoyed

Phil

[Dave]

I enjoyed this Colm. A pleasant read indeed.
Dave