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Henge

General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
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Matty11
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Joined: Thu Jan 11, 2018 7:58 pm

Henge

Post by Matty11 » Tue Jul 07, 2020 8:56 pm

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Last edited by Matty11 on Thu Feb 11, 2021 2:16 pm, edited 6 times in total.

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Mark
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Re: Henge

Post by Mark » Fri Jul 10, 2020 5:53 am

Fairly dark stuff but lots to appreciate and fathom. There's a complexity and a circularity going on which appeals; I'm not sure if this is a serial killer, insane patriarch, death-cult leader or a deeper archetype such as a malevolent god or demon. Will have to read and reflect some more but powerful words and images at work here, the sparse frame of the poem adding to the impact. In this regard, I'm wondering how 'screams' would work in place of 'begs' as the final word?

One minor point — the dash in S7 is coming across as a hyphen, creating a conjoined word which then upsets the grammar.   

indar
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Re: Henge

Post by indar » Fri Jul 10, 2020 10:12 am

I am reminded of the last line of a play in which the entire cast gathers at the front of the stage, looks into the audience and warns them. I am not going to quote the original line exactly but words to the effect: Arturo Ui will rise again.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Resis ... _Arturo_Ui

I interpret this as not so much a specific god or person but the force that can inhabit a person or group of people. Mark might be referring to that force with his mention of a deeper archetype. The daughter though--??

The write itself, beyond the content, is wonderful in its use of poetic device--the sonics and effective use of repetition: stone, bone, shadow creates a sense of timelessness to the subject.

Dave
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Re: Henge

Post by Dave » Sat Jul 11, 2020 3:52 am

I ma pretty sure the clue is the title - Henge = Stonehenge. This takes us back to ancient sacrificial ritual and a possible reason why such stone constructions existed. There are very pleasing sounds and rhythms in the poem and a strong sense of natural and supernatural without ever going over the top. I don't find much a connection to modernity so the poem feels a bit like a poem as it were. Good writing but strongly fictional.

I tend to prefer it if poems don' t end on questions as they weaken the plot but that is just my view.
Dave 

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Mark
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Re: Henge

Post by Mark » Sat Jul 11, 2020 4:44 am

Ha. I drew a blank on Henge so good thought there, Dave. With you on the ending there too, don't know if it's the question but something not quite aligned there. It's a good poem, this.

Matty11
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Re: Henge

Post by Matty11 » Sat Jul 11, 2020 8:30 am

Thanks Mark, Linda and Dave. I've tweaked the ending to be more pointed about gender.

I'm wondering how 'screams' would work in place of 'begs' as the final word?

Not sure Mark. May let the reader find the tone.

I interpret this as not so much a specific god or person but the force that can inhabit a person or group of people.

I agree Linda. the mindset frame the justification.

This takes us back to ancient sacrificial ritual and a possible reason why such stone constructions existed.

That was my intention Dave, but I do want to thread to more contemporary power relations.

all the best

Phil

indar
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Re: Henge

Post by indar » Sat Jul 11, 2020 10:09 am

I am revisiting this to remark on a synchronistic moment I experienced last night: MSNBC ran a special titled Stone Ghosts. I was reminded of your poem. Although I'm pretty certain your poem doesn't refer directly to this issue, I think it's part and parcel of the same thread that runs through human history:

https://www.msnbc.com/the-last-word/wat ... 7459909628

 

Matty11
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Re: Henge

Post by Matty11 » Tue Jul 14, 2020 3:24 am

hi Linda

Thank you for that link. Always instructive to listen to perspectives on history and its legacy in the contemporary world from exploited and oppressed people.

best

Phil

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