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Small Worlds

General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
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Matty11
Posts: 639
Joined: Fri Jan 12, 2018 2:58 am

Small Worlds

Post by Matty11 » Sun Aug 02, 2020 1:13 pm

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Last edited by Matty11 on Thu Feb 11, 2021 9:14 pm, edited 5 times in total.

poet-e
Posts: 247
Joined: Wed Jun 19, 2019 9:10 pm

Re: Small Worlds

Post by poet-e » Mon Aug 03, 2020 6:01 pm

Nice images.  Sounds like an old school poem.  Over my head... about a relationship?

Matty11
Posts: 639
Joined: Fri Jan 12, 2018 2:58 am

Re: Small Worlds

Post by Matty11 » Tue Aug 04, 2020 7:56 am

Thanks P.

Yes, relations between those that matter as opposed to that insistent world of voices that say they matter more or as much.

best

Phil

ajduclos
Posts: 838
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2019 7:35 pm

Re: Small Worlds

Post by ajduclos » Wed Aug 12, 2020 12:25 pm

Love this, Phil... Sweet !!!!   Great rhyme scheme.     Screw Covid-19 !!!!!!!!!!!
Aj

Matty11
Posts: 639
Joined: Fri Jan 12, 2018 2:58 am

Re: Small Worlds

Post by Matty11 » Thu Aug 13, 2020 5:00 am

Screw Covid-19 !!!!!!!!!!!

:lol: Agreed Aj! :D

thanks

Phil

indar
Posts: 1893
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:00 pm

Re: Small Worlds

Post by indar » Fri Aug 14, 2020 8:05 pm

Hi Phil,

I keep coming back to this one trying to decipher its meaning. The first part, cozy rooms, spicy spaghetti etc is pleasant enough but the images progressively turn macabre as time itself progresses. Is it simply a matter of passing time, aging and turning to less innocent pastimes or is this a commentary on current events? 

I will continue to puzzle this one out. Its intriguing and written in a way that keeps drawing this reader back. 

Matty11
Posts: 639
Joined: Fri Jan 12, 2018 2:58 am

Re: Small Worlds

Post by Matty11 » Fri Aug 14, 2020 9:29 pm

Thanks Linda. Nothing too nuanced in this. A life is for living message, not clock watching or viris 'bullying'.

all the best

Phil

Dave
Posts: 969
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 4:07 pm

Re: Small Worlds

Post by Dave » Sat Aug 15, 2020 5:07 pm

Nice to see you writing Matty.
 
Last edited by Dave on Sat Aug 15, 2020 5:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Dave
Posts: 969
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 4:07 pm

Re: Small Worlds

Post by Dave » Sat Aug 15, 2020 5:08 pm

I like the feel of this even if it is quite off kilter. I prefer the original version as the piratical language seemed to appear quite left of field in the second version. Probably just me. Besides, from a personal taste point of view I not much taken with pirates and jolly rogers and stuff.
In terms of what it was about, it seemed pretty clear to me.

 

Matty11
Posts: 639
Joined: Fri Jan 12, 2018 2:58 am

Re: Small Worlds

Post by Matty11 » Sat Aug 15, 2020 8:37 pm

I think you're right Dave. The pirate conceit is strained and contrived, or feels so, I'll row back a bit on that.

cheers

Phil

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