Welcome to The Tangled Branch!  Join us.

Osteoporosis

General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
Post Reply
Dave
Posts: 1991
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:07 am

Osteoporosis

Post by Dave » Tue Sep 01, 2020 10:40 am

osteoporosis

made your mother brittle 
her temper shorter

now you too
lose sight of certainties

balance close to dismay
even when your doctor

says it can be slowed
or held at bay

time was
you anticipated joy
then ease

now it is for life
to be bearable
Last edited by Dave on Wed Oct 07, 2020 10:21 am, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
Colm Roe
Posts: 2697
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 12:45 am

Re: Osteoporosis

Post by Colm Roe » Tue Sep 01, 2020 7:35 pm

Tough read Dave.
Not maudlin, just another human condition mapped out
with chilling brevity.
Good write.

Dave
Posts: 1991
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:07 am

Re: Osteoporosis

Post by Dave » Wed Sep 02, 2020 3:07 pm

Thanks Colm

User avatar
Tracy Mitchell
Posts: 3179
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:58 pm

Re: Osteoporosis

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Tue Oct 06, 2020 12:12 pm

Excellent narrative. Well constructed with attention to diction and pace.

Consider deleting the two end-line commas (S.2 & S.4)

Interesting how we come to see our parents in new light as we grow older, even as we sense that sometimes we become them.

I like the way the N adjusts to the new realities of life.

T

Dave
Posts: 1991
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:07 am

Re: Osteoporosis

Post by Dave » Wed Oct 07, 2020 10:22 am

Thanks Tracy

Post Reply