displaced

[Dansinger]

displaced
a triolet

in a bed that's not my own
stuck in a smelly room
I cannot find my mobile phone

here in this bed that's not my own
I feel lost and alone
devoured by a sense of doom

because this bed is not my own
here in this stinking room

====

Not sure about the title. Suggestions are welcome.

[Tracy Mitchell]

Title looks fine to me.

I like how you have made the triolet form work for your narrative.
The variations on the repeat lines are creative.

Nice poem.


T

[Dansinger]

Thank you.

I really enjoy writing form poetry - the challenges it provides - and I like breaking bending the rules just a little.

[Tracy Mitchell]

Bending the rules of formal poetry is part of the charm. It means that you are taking the form to its limits. You may [or may not] be surprised to hear that lengthy texts of perfect iambic scansion are criticized for not having some anomalies, glitches, and [rule bending] aberrations. The reasons: 1. too predictable, thus boring. 2. it's clear evidence of failing to push language to the very limit of the form, and 3. a lack of courage/conviction on the part of the writer -- who evidently failed to commit to the work.

I appreciate the impulse to form writing, and the challenges uniquely posed.