requiem

[Dansinger]

requiem

sleep came
eternal rest
and life is not the same
silence lingers in empty space
and speaks

of days
when life was loved
and untamed ardour burned
with flames that water could not douse
so bright

the voice
telling stories
of days to remember
of sadness and heroic deeds
brave men

rain falls
mellowing drops
saturating dark earth
trailing tears on sombre faces
soothing

sunshine
light eternal
peers down through leafless trees
illuminates the small crowd huddling
gently

sleep came
when life was loved
days we now remember
and tears trail down grieving faces
gently



====

first attempt at a garland cinquain

[Colm Roe]

Nice write Dan.
The last S is especially poignant.

[Dansinger]

Thank you.

[Dave]

I tend to find myself torn with poems written in tight form like this. Clearly this is a very well-written poem. For example, in this poem everything is visible and tangible and reveals clearly certain emotions and atmosphere. 
On the other hand, the images are not very new and sacrificed a little to the form. Without the form such combinations as 'Sunshine light eternal' just seem clichéd and archaic. 

The form means to some extent this cannot be taken as criticism. In a free form poem it clearly would be.

The poem displays a high degree of skill 

[Dansinger]

Thank you, Dave.

I agree that it wouldn't work as a free form poem, but I actually quite like to work within the constraints of a more structured form. (I did take some minor liberties with it. I almost always do.)

You are right about the clichéd and archaic. In this case, I made a conscious choice to use those words, because they are taken from the Requiem mass.

Requiem aeternam: eternal rest
Lux aeterna: eternal light

[Tracy Mitchell]

Very nice, D. I have written several crown cinquains, but never the garland. Usually (with mine) there is at least one stanza which is a clinker, but needed to make the five. Here, you avoid that well. It is also not easy to carry a theme through this many stanzas as you have done so well.

Cheers.

t

[Dansinger]

Thank you, T.