Fragments of Self-Intention

[Tim J Brennan]

Poem deleted

[Dave]

I enjoyed the imagery in the poem. They are well handled. The last autumnal image is a bit worn  but well written. The three words in line 2 don't really fit with the tone of the rest but you have your reasons for them. I would personally drop the references to half-remembered and forgottenas the poem does all that through image and the more direct telling distracts and weakens the imagery rather than adding anything, especially since half-remembered is repeated.
Good to see you posting here again. Tim

[Tim J Brennan]

I enjoyed the imagery in the poem. They are well handled. The last autumnal image is a bit worn  but well written. The three words in line 2 don't really fit with the tone of the rest but you have your reasons for them. I would personally drop the references to half-remembered and forgottenas the poem does all that through image and the more direct telling distracts and weakens the imagery rather than adding anything, especially since half-remembered is repeated.
Good to see you posting here again. Tim

Glad you enjoyed the imagery, Dave. Thanks.

[indar]

Words by themselves are out of context,
rabble, calm or crazy— a half-remembered
message of a half-remembered event 
about a person you may have visited,
someone passing your way. A silk road,
a humanized, half-turn and glimpse 
as if to say, Trust me or Love me;
a small discovery one makes of the moment
you later forget what these words really mean.

They roar in the ears, they perk in the heart,
they are how a plane’s shadow snatches a tree in,
becoming the quiet tumult of a birthing.

November when leaves fall and blow and disperse
into the far corners of your back field.

I have read this several times, there is so much to like but a few things that snagged the narrative to my read. 

I caught right away on the first line--yes, words by themselves are out of context, I'm not certain the reader needs to be told that. But then the remainder of the poem seems to be contradictory musings about words. I think the intention is that after words have lost their context and even the meanings within the context fades they leave their mark on the psyche. 

I agree with Dave that the ending is a little time-worn--it feels to me like you gave up the hard work of your intention and tossed off that last S. Sum up that birthing please.

[Tracy Mitchell]

Fascinating. I was torn as to what self-intention might be in the context of this poem. Further, I struggled with how the notion of word fragments play off with psychic images, which seem to be the heart of the poem. What seemed to build throughout the poem was the sense of a thought-fragment collage striving for an unattainable human completeness. Then the words, which bring internal events to the world, fall and blow and disperse.

Powerful and challenging stuff, Tim. Obviously I will need to revisit, and intend to do so.

Cheers and welcome back.

T

[Tim J Brennan]

Words by themselves are out of context,
rabble, calm or crazy— a half-remembered
message of a half-remembered event 
about a person you may have visited,
someone passing your way. A silk road,
a humanized, half-turn and glimpse 
as if to say, Trust me or Love me;
a small discovery one makes of the moment
you later forget what these words really mean.

They roar in the ears, they perk in the heart,
they are how a plane’s shadow snatches a tree in,
becoming the quiet tumult of a birthing.

November when leaves fall and blow and disperse
into the far corners of your back field.

I have read this several times, there is so much to like but a few things that snagged the narrative to my read. 

I caught right away on the first line--yes, words by themselves are out of context, I'm not certain the reader needs to be told that. But then the remainder of the poem seems to be contradictory musings about words. I think the intention is that after words have lost their context and even the meanings within the context fades they leave their mark on the psyche. 

I agree with Dave that the ending is a little time-worn--it feels to me like you gave up the hard work of your intention and tossed off that last S. Sum up that birthing please. 

Thanks for the several reads, Indar. Appreciate it. I love words and I can tell you do too. 
 

[Tim J Brennan]

Fascinating. I was torn as to what self-intention might be in the context of this poem. Further, I struggled with how the notion of word fragments play off with psychic images, which seem to be the heart of the poem. What seemed to build throughout the poem was the sense of a thought-fragment collage striving for an unattainable human completeness. Then the words, which bring internal events to the world, fall and blow and disperse.

Powerful and challenging stuff, Tim. Obviously I will need to revisit, and intend to do so.

Cheers and welcome back.

T

I hope you do, Tracy. Revisit, I mean. I wouldn't argue w/your interpretation. And maybe that's the point...the last two sentences of your first paragraph, I mean. 

Words...love 'em or hate 'em. Whatever their self-intention.