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Contemplating a New Year's Resolution

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Tim J Brennan

Contemplating a New Year's Resolution

Post by Tim J Brennan » Fri Nov 20, 2020 7:58 pm

Poem deleted
Last edited by Tim J Brennan on Fri Jan 29, 2021 12:46 pm, edited 2 times in total.

penguin
Posts: 10
Joined: Sun Nov 22, 2020 2:58 am

Re: Contemplating a New Year's Resolution

Post by penguin » Sun Nov 22, 2020 4:34 am

Tim J Brennan wrote:
Fri Nov 20, 2020 7:58 pm
A woman peals apples,              - peels?
setting them so as not to bruise,
into her mother’s wooden bowl—
one is heart-shaped, juice drops
like temperature before a rain.    - the kind of phrase that doesn't really make sense but is lovely anyway

Near her, a pitcher of ice         - I'd suggest ice-water, on the same line
water sweats clear beads
alongside table salt,
ghosts of missing links               - I don't really understand these last 2 lines
within its whiteness. 

Outside her window, ice             - again I think ice crystals is better on the same line
crystals grow like tiny lenses,
even as earth’s orbit promises
resurrection and coverage         - interesting choice, coverage, maybe "coverage of"?
for a past year's sins.

 

Tim J Brennan

Re: Contemplating a New Year's Resolution

Post by Tim J Brennan » Sun Nov 22, 2020 6:18 am

"peels" 

Nice catch. Thanks.

Dave
Posts: 1991
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:07 am

Re: Contemplating a New Year's Resolution

Post by Dave » Mon Nov 23, 2020 7:54 am

I agree on Penguin's comments. The drops image is very sensual but odd and does not quite add up. Still the asethetics of the line make it.
Dave

Dave
Posts: 1991
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:07 am

Re: Contemplating a New Year's Resolution

Post by Dave » Mon Nov 23, 2020 7:54 am

Also wanted to say that the poem rewards repeated reading.
Dave

Tim J Brennan

Re: Contemplating a New Year's Resolution

Post by Tim J Brennan » Tue Nov 24, 2020 5:54 pm

Dave wrote:
Mon Nov 23, 2020 7:54 am
I agree on Penguin's comments. The drops image is very sensual but odd and does not quite add up. Still the asethetics of the line make it.
Dave
Thank you, Dave. I have heard that great minds think alike.

I like your interpretation of "sensual"....amazes me where folks go w/stuff sometimes. 

Thanks for always contributing something. Not many do here. Too bad, really. 

 

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