The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

Tim J Brennan wrote: ↑

Fri Nov 20, 2020 7:58 pm

A woman peals apples,              - peels?
setting them so as not to bruise,
into her mother’s wooden bowl—
one is heart-shaped, juice drops
like temperature before a rain.    - the kind of phrase that doesn't really make sense but is lovely anyway

Near her, a pitcher of ice         - I'd suggest ice-water, on the same line
water sweats clear beads
alongside table salt,
ghosts of missing links               - I don't really understand these last 2 lines
within its whiteness. 

Outside her window, ice             - again I think ice crystals is better on the same line
crystals grow like tiny lenses,
even as earth’s orbit promises
resurrection and coverage         - interesting choice, coverage, maybe "coverage of"?
for a past year's sins.

Dave wrote: ↑

Mon Nov 23, 2020 7:54 am

I agree on Penguin's comments. The drops image is very sensual but odd and does not quite add up. Still the asethetics of the line make it.
Dave