The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

Hey Trevor
This painted a clear and solid image. I am not a big fan of questions but I can see they provide a solid framework to piece. The images basically are the questions but show rather than tell.

Tell me, how hard does the wind blow
through the holes of your bent roof,
the drooping wood of your windows?

Here for example, I could imagine simply

How hard the wind blows
through the holes in your bent roof - maybe a stronger verb than 'blow' and 'in instead of 'of' since there is another of in the next line
and the drooping wood of your windows.

Your chimney’s stubborn like a wart, - great image
but it, too, will succumb - I love the word succumb
to the slow clamour of leaves, - clamour is an odd choice since it is a sound, but interesting - I am not sure it fits to leaves
swallowed by the green belly of the land. - love this but maybe 'in' instead of 'by'

You were raised for a purpose,
one you fulfilled for a time. - I would cut this as too obvious - it is clearly implied by the lines before and after
Now, few stop
on this grassy mohawk of road
to take in your ruin and rot.
Tell me, how many of your race still stand, - here too I personally am not so much of a fan of directly talking to house. The N could easily just ask the question for himself.
dozing into green obscurity?

Hi Dave,

Thanks very much for your detailed analysis. I'll take each one into consideration when revising this in a couple of weeks.

Trev