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On Becoming An Impressionist (revision3)

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Matty11
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On Becoming An Impressionist (revision3)

Post by Matty11 » Fri Feb 26, 2021 11:46 pm

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Last edited by Matty11 on Sat Mar 20, 2021 12:57 am, edited 7 times in total.

indar
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Re: On Becoming An Impressionist

Post by indar » Sat Feb 27, 2021 8:33 am

I break my glasses
to give up writing.

That IS puzzling, as is much of human behavior especially when trying to accomplish the wrong thing. 

It seems there is a dad in common so I assume the "she" is a family member that recognizes the ability to sink one's own ship in the N's lineage.

Lots going on in very few words. A puzzle indeed. Enjoyed :)

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Tracy Mitchell
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Re: On Becoming An Impressionist

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Sat Feb 27, 2021 8:46 am

He is determined to quit writing -- she wants to help -- he paints. Stubbornness, misperception, misplaced helpfulness, Gee, what else might this apply to?

Love it, Phil.

T

Matty11
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Re: On Becoming An Impressionist

Post by Matty11 » Sat Feb 27, 2021 9:17 pm

Thanks T and Linda. Pleased you enjoyed my 'puzzling' poem :D

all the best

Phil

AlienFlower
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Re: On Becoming An Impressionist

Post by AlienFlower » Sun Feb 28, 2021 3:10 am

Intriguing, Phil. It seems N feels impressionist artists see the world through blurred vision and his efforts to get that blurry vision bring about nearly as much opposition at home as the 19th century impressionists experienced from the art world at the time. I like that parallel.
 
What puzzled me was the order of events in this little narrative until I found on the internet that impressionism in literature often centered on a single character and how events swirled in his/her mind, with blurry edges. I felt like N's wife trying to fix N's glasses.
 
It was fun looking into this.
 
Jackie

Matty11
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Re: On Becoming An Impressionist (revised)

Post by Matty11 » Sun Feb 28, 2021 5:51 am

Thanks Jackie. I've revisited to clarify, though not sure which revision to use :roll: :lol:

cheers

Phil

Dave
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Re: On Becoming An Impressionist (revised)

Post by Dave » Sun Feb 28, 2021 6:10 am

Fun Poem, well written, that I enjoyed. I have no preference for any of the versions.
Dave

TrevorConway
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Re: On Becoming An Impressionist (revised)

Post by TrevorConway » Sun Feb 28, 2021 12:20 pm

Hi Phil,

Fairly interesting but disjointed, it felt to me. My preference is the second version of the 3. I feel like there's big jumps from one thing to another, even though they're connected in one narrative. I suppose what I mean is that the nearrative needs to be teased out more for it to work as a "snapshot narrative" poem. The current version just seems rushed.

Taking the second version as the one to analyse (but changing the order of the lines near the start to give what I think would be a better opening), I'd suggest adding more info where I have added line breaks below:

I've broken my glasses
to give up writing.

Even her face blurs.

As puzzling as dad, she says.

Let me glue those frames -
for clarity,
 she says.

I paint. 


So, basically, I think you need to add more material after each sentence. The separate sentences/points just don't fit together as it is, I think. What material could you explore? Maybe why the speakers has given up writing...later, the dad (why is he puzzling? Is his puzzling behaviour comical or worrying?...Later, what is the speaker's reaction to her gluing the frames? It seems his reaction is to reject her attempt to get him to write by choosing painting instead, but surely the speaker would need glasses to paint as well..I also find the "I paint" ending a bit unsatisfying, as if it's a joke that isn't set up properly)

Intriguing write, Phil; just needs more context, I think.

All the best,

Trev

Matty11
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Re: On Becoming An Impressionist (revision2)

Post by Matty11 » Sun Feb 28, 2021 1:11 pm

Thanks Dave and Trev.

Still pondering how much to leave to the reader. The more space I fill in, the less space for the reader, which defeats the intended experience of the poem!

cheers

Phil

indar
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Re: On Becoming An Impressionist (revision2)

Post by indar » Tue Mar 02, 2021 11:59 am

The more space I fill in, the less space for the reader, which defeats the intended experience of the poem!

First let me say I like version 2. If the N wants to quit writing why the concern, or at least mention, that the poem lacks clues? And why is there a poem being posted about not writing anymore? THAT is the puzzle isn't it?

That said, I listened to a very funny program on public radio years ago that made fun of the seriousness of artists of all kinds. One week they did a bit on the French impressionists, everyone interviewed spoke in these phony, ridiculous French accents. They previewed the next week's program dealing with post impressionists--silence. OK so my humor can be a little immature. I actually thought of that program when I first saw your title.

As to your comment I included above, I could not agree more. Poets are not expository writers. Of course there are poems intentionally written to be obtuse, a matter of confusing that with ambiguity but I don't want everything to be spelled out for me--overkill. 

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