The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

[Outdoors is a temporary title in case I ever want to submit this poem to an e-zine. As you all know, some editors consider a poem published even if it's posted in a forum for critiques. The actual title is the last four words of the last stanza.] 

I came out here to be alone,
to speak to the stars and the trees,
to whisper a thing or two to the moon,
to chat with the great outdoors.

Armed with a flashlight,
I trace the Big Dipper,
watch stars pour into the Milky Way,
and hear an owl ask "Who? Who?"

A question that's always out of reach.

Overhead,
Orion shakes his sword at Sirius and Procyon.
Their barking disturbs Scorpio,
who sweeps its tail across the horizon.

The evergreens silhouetted around this ancient lake
stand up to protest Cancer,
to wave goodbye to the Day Star,
to supervise the ripples marching to shore.

Armed with legs,
I tread the steps that brought me to today,
then plod through the moon-blanched leaves
who fell from our family tree
yesterday.

Underfoot, they crackle and complain.

My flashlight catches a stream escaping the lake,
sneaking through the wild flowers below,
racing with the moon above.

Here in the dark,
watching water slide over silver stones,
I see that everything,
everyone,
wanders slowly somewhere safe to sea...

Enjoyed Q. The poem spoke to me of isolation, connection, realisation. Nature, especially in those quiet night times, does teach a wisdom often lost in the disconnect of urban life.

best

Phil

Hey
I must admit I think the poem could easily lose the first stanza. The lonliness is evident in the poem and in any case as a theme of itself not 
that interesting. In stanza 2 in similar fashion I think the poem would be tighter leaving out line 1 and dropping thw owl, which is a bit of a cliche. The question always being out of reach is questionable in meaning. Surely it is the answer that is out of reach.

The real poem for me begins with 'Armed with legs'. The images are crisper and more engaging.
Dave