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Oceanside Wild

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indar
Posts: 2908
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 8:00 am

Oceanside Wild

Post by indar » Thu Mar 04, 2021 12:50 pm

Compacted gravel, stabilized hiking trail
onto raised walkways over wetlands
constructed from rot-proof composite,
restoration areas, dotted plugs
of native grass and plants to reestablish,
posts with plastic poop bags
strategically placed: keep dogs on leash;
clean up after; stay on trail, please please.

All the signs in the world can not keep
the wind out of the pampas,
the red tailed hawk from hovering,
the roadrunner bursting from the brush
to run hell-bent-for-election
​​​​​​​ahead of us.
 

TrevorConway
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Joined: Thu Feb 04, 2021 2:30 pm
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Re: Oceanside Wild

Post by TrevorConway » Thu Mar 04, 2021 1:41 pm

Hi Indar,

It felt very listy to me in the first stanza, which held me at a distance from the poem. Then, it changed in the second stanza. More interesting stuff. How about switching the order of stanzas. It would counteract the scene-setting feel of the current first stanza, thus giving it more energy. I'd also suggest deleting all from "stabilized" to "areas".

Hope this helps,

Trev

Matty11
Posts: 1585
Joined: Thu Jan 11, 2018 7:58 pm

Re: Oceanside Wild

Post by Matty11 » Fri Mar 05, 2021 7:31 am

stabilized hiking trail
onto raised walkways over wetlands
That brought an image to mind, from my walks, though some of the walkways were less than stable! S1 made me think of how we 'sanitize' our experience with nature, how we organise and manufacture in re-establishing nature to make it accessible. The curse of the plastic poop bags - they are everywhere aren't they - though the plastic face mask is now competing for number one in the litter world.

best

Phil

indar
Posts: 2908
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 8:00 am

Re: Oceanside Wild

Post by indar » Fri Mar 05, 2021 9:59 am

Thank you both, Trevor and Phil,
 
It felt very listy to me in the first stanza, which held me at a distance from the poem.

I tend to write narrative poems and this is yet another attempt to try something else. The first stanza is indeed a list of the human manipulation and restrictions of a "preservation of nature" area. 
S1 made me think of how we 'sanitize' our experience with nature, how we organise and manufacture in re-establishing nature to make it accessible.

It goes both ways--we sanitize our experience with nature and those who try to preserve a bit of nature try to protect it from us.

No matter what, there are moments and spaces in which some very authentic experiences can and do happen even under "management".

This might not be my most successful write but I am going to keep exploring the theme.

Thank you both for the read and comments :)

Dave
Posts: 1991
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:07 am

Re: Oceanside Wild

Post by Dave » Sat Mar 06, 2021 1:56 pm

Hey Linda
I appreciate that the two halves fof the poem have two different messages so it is appropriate that the style of both stanzas is different. The first stanza is quite a tough read and I am not sure even if it is grammatically accurate. Shouldn't the onto be simply on or stabilzed stabilizing? I have the feeling that stabilzed is meant as a verb but either way, it reads awkwardly.
I like the second stanza a lot. There is an absurd belief that continues that there is really such a thing as nature, untouched by humans and unaffected. Here in Europe you would be hard-pressed to find any.
Dave

 

indar
Posts: 2908
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 8:00 am

Re: Oceanside Wild

Post by indar » Sun Mar 07, 2021 11:04 am

Hi Dave, I guess a bifurcated poem is a little unstable:

From the 12 techniques of controlling erosion and sediment buildup:
Soil stabilization measures include temporary and permanent seeding, mulching, geotextiles, erosion control fabrics and sod stabilization. Identify any potential erosion problem areas and report them to your engineer.

I guess I used "onto" because the gravel trails lead "onto" the walkways. I suspect this write will evolve greatly over the next couple of years :)

I still cling to some hope that there are areas that will revert to a really wild state after the most pressing problems are resolved, starting with the US rejoining the Paris agreement---a very small first step

indar
Posts: 2908
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 8:00 am

Re: Oceanside Wild

Post by indar » Sun Mar 07, 2021 11:16 am

Reel America Preview: "Hell-Bent for Election" - 1944 - Bing video

Here is something else: I have always liked the expression "hell bent for election" as I wrote this poem I decided to google it and here is what I found (we need a Roosevelt style "new deal" again)

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