a history of slaughter

[Dave]

a history of slaughter

ten million
20 years
500

one inch

buffalo roam
slaughter
the remaining few

lost height 

how do we read this: 

genocide
justified
birth of a nation
a fever dream blessed by our Lord

children shrunk by greed? 

In 1870 10 million buffalo
20 years later
500 remain
the children of native peoples

grew an inch shorter 
thanks to the slaughter 

how do you read this: 

history to be remembered
to be forgotten 
the rotten soul 
of a foul nation
in the making
natural selection? 

it’s pride
we inherit
the present,
repair it

(apologies to Amanda Gorman, whose words I have appropriated in the last stanza)

[Matty11]

hi Dave

I deleted my original reply because I started waffling on about history in the way such issues that you have highlighted get talked over.

Trying to focus on the form. The use of measurement, the numbers and dates, reminded me of how I wrote history essays. Facts and figures are effective in the 'debate', but in a sense depersonalises and distances?

Just a thought

Phil

[indar]

Hi Dave:

A book I slogged through as part of my research for a paper:

Amazon.com: Regeneration Through Violence: The Mythology of the American Frontier, 1600–1860 (9780806132297): Slotkin, Richard: Books

The buffalo works as well as can be expected as an analogy for what happened in the process of settling America. It could even be drawn out further in that there is now a managed herd that thrives so well in a state park that they have to be culled occasionally. Now everyone can feel better---right?  

I am curious about the dates/eras you start out with: I don't understand what they mean

[Dave]

I absolutely agree Phil that the facts make the poem distanced and impersonal. Sometimes I becoem a little allergic to the emotionality of poetry - sometimes - as with the inaugeral poem and its excellently written emotional mumbo jumbo. Not much of a reason and probably to the detriment of the poem.However, it explains the questions concerning how to interpret information - how do we view history? Through the prism of greatness, future hopes or as the disaster it sometimes was.

Linda, according to the information I read in 1870 there were 10 million buffalo on the soutern plains and 20 years later 500 resulting in subsequent generations of indigenous children to lose an inch in height. It requires connecting up the stanzas for the information to hopefully reveal itself or not.

Thanks
Dave
 

[TrevorConway]

Hi Dave,

The numbers weighed it down a little, I suppose, but not a crazy amount. I think you could restructure to fit them in better, start with "In 870", etc., then repeat the numbers only at the end, to give a stark efefct (see restructed version below for clarity).

I quite liked the "how do we read this", but there were points where the tone got a bit obvious and...maybe mawkish or preachy aren't the words I'm looking for, but something in that direction (the five lines from "genocide" to "greed", the rotten soul part). Also, "birth of a nation" feels like a tired phrase even if you specifically wnat to reference the mythology associated with the film.

Hope the feedback helps,

Trev


In 1870 [there were] 10 million buffalo [on...where?]
20 years later
500 remain[.]

[T]he children of native peoples
grew an inch shorter 
thanks to the slaughter. 

[Might be worth giving a few lines on things the European settlers were doing, like setting up towns, etc., something neutral so as to give a sense of looking at history/acts objectively, then drawing a conclusion on how they should be perceived. It would set up your "how do you read this" line better, I think, and the poem, if you do go with a structure like the one I suggest, would need something here for pace/development-of-thought reasons anyway]

[H]ow do you read this: 

[as] history [perhaps?]
[As] natural selection? 
[W]e inherit the present[;]
[our pride] repairs it[.]

[T]en million
20 years
500

one inch

[Dave]

Thanks Trevor, much to ponder
Dave
 

[indar]

Linda, according to the information I read in 1870 there were 10 million buffalo on the soutern plains and 20 years later 500 resulting in subsequent generations of indigenous children to lose an inch in height. It requires connecting up the stanzas for the information to hopefully reveal itself or not.

Of course its as plain as day. I must have been suffering a cognitive lapse there for a while