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Perennial

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Ike
Posts: 87
Joined: Sat Feb 17, 2018 10:52 pm

Perennial

Post by Ike » Tue Jul 13, 2021 6:43 am

It used to be different back then,
the rhubarb would grow damn near to your knees.

The weather has been acting up.
It didn't used to be so hot
& it didn't used to rain so much
& you used to say I love you back

Dogs used to be wolves
& you used to have to clean the cloth you wiped your ass with
& you used to get into a car
& then get out of it

It used to be different back then,
the rhubarb would grow damn near to your knees.
The weather has just been acting up. 
 

Dave
Posts: 1991
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:07 am

Re: Perennial

Post by Dave » Tue Jul 13, 2021 9:28 am

Hey Ike
On the one hand i enjoyed poem as it had and easy light feel to it although I hides a sadder reality in plain sight. I liked the individual images although they seemed somewhat random jumping from one non-interconnected example to another. The ass-wiping cloth is plain bizarre but hey it made me laugh and uncomfortable at the same time.
A fun start of many poems I hope.
Dave
 

Matty11
Posts: 1585
Joined: Thu Jan 11, 2018 7:58 pm

Re: Perennial

Post by Matty11 » Wed Jul 14, 2021 2:28 am

Hi Ike,
I like rhubarb line, but agree with Dave on the cloth line...is it relating to a sex act?

Phil

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Colm Roe
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Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 12:45 am

Re: Perennial

Post by Colm Roe » Wed Jul 21, 2021 8:05 pm

My take on this is change...that things change, and time changes everything.
Before toilet roll we wiped with rags, then rinsed them to be used again.
We used to occasionally get into a car, now we spend our lives in them.
Rhubarbs don't like the wet soil created by the changing global climate.

AlienFlower
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Re: Perennial

Post by AlienFlower » Wed Aug 04, 2021 5:25 pm

Hi Ike,
I’m most intrigued by your title. It sends me to line 6, “You used to say I love you back.” If only that relationship would stay the same forever. Apparently it hasn’t, and N’s vexation turns the whole world sour. 
 
Could you explain the purpose of S3? How does it serve the poem?
 
N’s voice appeals to me, but it’s a bit wordy, I think. For example, “It used to be different back then,” could be either “It used to be different,” or “It was different back then,” couldn’t it? I’m also not crazy about the &s.
 
Thanks for posting this,
Jackie

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Mark
Posts: 586
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 4:19 am

Re: Perennial

Post by Mark » Mon Aug 09, 2021 2:44 pm

Ike. I did enjoy this commentary. I think Colm called the gist of it accurately. In that sense, you capture your theme well. A brisk no-nonsense poem, nice job. 
I'm afraid the ass-wiping line is the most memorable. I would suggest restructuring it to avoid ending it with with.
I did a quick search on pre-bog roll hygiene, it seems cloth was a lesser solution with natural substances being the mainstay.
Ike wrote:
Tue Jul 13, 2021 6:43 am
& you used to say I love you back
    I found this to be the most poignant. Everything can age but emotions don't necessarily have to. Cheers, Mark.

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