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Not even bread and water

General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
indar
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Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 8:00 am

Re: Not even bread and water

Post by indar » Wed Oct 13, 2021 12:53 pm

Hi Colm,

I read the ricocheting bullet as regret that the last wish by a dying man to end his suffering could not or rather would not be fulfilled. That unfired act of mercy speaks to anyone who has stood by helpless while death lingers. It's a dilemma. I had an aunt who was suffering mightily on her death bed after a life-long ordeal of living with cerebral palsy. She was given an intravenous dose of morphine in the company of her family and died within minutes. We knew. 

Contrast that with someone who dies by degrees and nothing can be done but the possibility of some terrible abuses of what should be a compassionate act. No matter which route it's a hard hard thing to contemplate.

Some poems are like a biblical parable meant to set up a tension in the mind of one who tries to make sense of the choices or ways of seeing the dilemma, pithy and open ended--yours is a fine example. Wonderful poem.

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Colm Roe
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Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 12:45 am

Re: Not even bread and water

Post by Colm Roe » Wed Oct 13, 2021 7:48 pm

Thank you for your comments Jackie and Linda.
My heart bleeds for your aunt. There are so many unfortunates out there, people (and their families) 'living' horrific lives. Earlier today I was informed that someone I know (not a friend), a businessman who shafted his suppliers for huge sums, closed his business then started it up again. Eventually sold it for 15 million and a few years later won over a million in the Lotto. And people actually believe in Karma/God?
But I wonder if I'm nearly as 'bad' as him though. I could do more, donate more. Like Schindler's regret, I actually could have saved more.
Is it all about degrees of badness, that we're all bad people? Or we're all good, and some are just gooder that others :?
I think Aristotle spoke about this, about how the 'nature' of men can't be compared. That there's no reason why people of equivalent wealth should donate similar amounts, or feel bad or better because of the amounts. Actually, I think it was one of his ways to lead a happy life...be true to yourself. So if you're a miser, and even if you have more than enough wealth, it's ok to donate little or nothing.
Yeah...we are all bad! But some of us try to be less so.
Aristotle me arse!
Rant over :)

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Qwerty
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Joined: Wed Jan 27, 2021 12:07 pm
Location: Southern California

Re: Not even bread and water

Post by Qwerty » Sun Oct 17, 2021 3:14 pm

Powerful, poignant! Good one Colm. And you reminded me that the persona is not necessarily the poet. My first thought was that the line endings somewhat blurred the impact/meaning. Not sure the following would help you improve the poem, but for what it's worth...

Title = The Unused Bullet (echoes the last line)

The occasional suck on a damp sponge
moistened his final year--
a clinical lollipop stuck on a stick.
Just enough to unglue
lips that eventually demanded a gun.
The unused bullet
ricochets...
 
Words go together in zillions of ways. Some ways go shallow and some ways go deep. ~ James Dickey

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Colm Roe
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Re: Not even bread and water

Post by Colm Roe » Thu Oct 21, 2021 7:24 pm

Thanks for your appreciation and suggestions Q.
Yours would make a better title, but I didn't want to repeat the title in the poem, and
my title (I thought) gave some info without 'filling' the poem with too much verbosity.

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