The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

Trevor - nice, your Narrator succinctly describes my position.  How about, though, replacing "some people" with a specific person, whom we can then like or dislike as the poem may direct -- a bloviating narcissist bastard to hate, or a good hearted soul with low self-esteem and accompanying penchant for trying to bond through dialog/monologue, whom we can understand and forgive.  Just a thought.

Cheers.

T

Many will relate to the viewpoint Trev.

Tracy's suggestion could be an option.

I do feel it needs some more colour to progress.

cheers

Phil

The tempatation in writing for younger people seems to be stronger to want to explain and educate at the expense of showing and developing story, I believe the suggestion that Tracy provides would help add that dimension. Tap into the life expereince and wisdom of children and use and expand imagination not knowledge as it were

Once again, I couldn't resist

Some people just keep on talking
when they should stop,
like those yakedy-yak wind-up toys
wound too tight.
Maybe they think that silence is a pressure
that'll cause their heads to implode,
so they have to keep yapping,
annoying 'few words' people like us.
Butting in isn't easy, when we do, they just speak louder
more, or quicker.
But me,
I’m just happy, listening,
not needing to think
what to say.
And when it gets too much I remember
that God was kind enough to give me legs and manners, so
I make an excuse
and walk away
relieved but curious,
forever wondering what the implosion
sounds like...POP probably.

Hi Tracy, Phil, Dave and Colm

Thanks very much for all yere feedback. Great to get so many ideas to work with there in yours, Colm. Will come in handy the development that this poem needs. 

Cheers all,

Trev