AlienFlower wrote: ↑Fri Dec 10, 2021 4:00 amWith an armful of donated books,her face slightly left benttoward a near vent-block window,a volunteer leaves behind hera tabled holograph,a roach-chewed novel’sdust-gloss cover frontispieceignited by rays from the sun.Does she see ahead the bracethat light through the doorwayreveals to her, cast on the wall?The brace in the bookshelf she plans to fillthat once approached, will obstructher will regarding this armful of books?
Some of the syntax I find a bit troubled. 'slightly left bent' - 'the brace/that light through the doorway/reveals' - feels a bit 'poesy'.
'a near vent-block window' - this means nothing to me - maybe it made sense in the original scene, but doesn't translate into the poem? or it's just something i don't know, a cultural difference or something.
Did the volunteer leave the window, or is this referring back to the 'armful' or are we on to further items? I think some thought about sentencing and punctuation may help me here.
Are we one light from window or door? Perhaps that could be tightened up? Do we need both a door and a window?
I don't have an image of what the 'brace' may be - some type of shelving? - the repeated use of the word with the near proximity of another meaning that you don't quite touch on, suggests it has importance, but which is lost on me.
In the end her difficulty with placing an armful of books seems to lessen the impact of the rest of the poem.
I realise that all seems negative, but it's not supposed to be - i like the essential idea of it, and can see that it's an arresting image. In parts I think you are trying too hard with it - something more natural is maybe dying to flow - but i also think that you haven't finally thought why the image has resonance for you.