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Library Inscapes

General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
AlienFlower
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Library Inscapes

Post by AlienFlower » Fri Dec 10, 2021 4:00 am

With an armful of donated books, 
her face slightly left bent 
toward a near vent-block window, 
a volunteer leaves behind her
a tabled holograph, 
a roach-chewed novel’s 
dust-gloss cover frontispiece 
ignited by rays from the sun.
Does she see ahead the brace 
that light through the doorway 
reveals to her, cast on the wall?
The brace in the bookshelf she plans to fill
that once approached, will obstruct 
her will regarding this armful of books?

Matty11
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Re: Library Inscapes

Post by Matty11 » Fri Dec 10, 2021 10:25 pm

Marvelously inventive as always Jackie. Not just an 'inscape' of objects, but an internalised experience of object...left bent as it were. I enjoyed the straightening in my mind, righting the weight experience to meaning. The reader constraining with a brace.

L1 locked me into the world of secondhand books given for charity. The physicality is weighted with armful.

L2-5 Another physical outcome: object defining viewpoint. Mass translates to weight in a gravitational pull. The sonics of donated,vent, bent, block convey that weight and imposition. That vent-block window gave thought to air and the outside. This is a world of inside/outside defining experiences. Where does substance begin, where does physicality feel as insubstantial as a holograph. A shadow of previous occupancy of space, written past into present,
the function of books defining time.

L6-L8 Love roached-chewed and these lines where the used/old are refreshed with light. Light is almost detonated to give renewal. Great use of 'gloss'. Age is just a veneer😀.

The volta confronts the reader with questions. What do we see, how do we experience, how we exist in light/shadow. How the burdens we carry, even how that weight of knowledge symbolised in the books, shapes and defines.

How much can we impose on the world that imposes so much on us? A freewill question. How much can we unburdened in poems? A great deal it would seem 😀.

Will come back with any suggestions.

muchly enjoyed

Phil

AlienFlower
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Re: Library Inscapes

Post by AlienFlower » Sun Dec 12, 2021 7:51 am

Phil, thank you for the poem you've written in response to my poem! So glad we're speaking the same language.

Jackie

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Colm Roe
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Re: Library Inscapes

Post by Colm Roe » Mon Dec 13, 2021 6:38 pm

a volunteer leaves behind her
a tabled holograph

This gem (as Phil often says) was worth the admission price.
Love how you manipulate light and shadow, how your light plays tricks, directs and illuminates.
The ending, I read a reluctance to relinquish, and the act of storing the books darkens her...it's like a burial.
Lovely poem, Jackie.
And I enjoyed Phil's considered analysis too.

AlienFlower
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Re: Library Inscapes

Post by AlienFlower » Wed Dec 15, 2021 10:09 am

The ending, I read a reluctance to relinquish, and the act of storing the books darkens her...it's like a burial.
I do like this, Colm. I wonder what conveys it for you? You both credit me with more philosophy than I deserve but somehow it's the emotional truth.

I love discovering things from you all! When Phil used the word "volta" I rushed back to count the lines and by golly there are 14 and the questions start on the 9th. That's got to be justification for a biological origin of the sonnet (but actually if I write one on purpose, it's always more traditional).

And thank you for your very kind words!

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Colm Roe
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Re: Library Inscapes

Post by Colm Roe » Wed Dec 15, 2021 7:20 pm

AlienFlower wrote:
Wed Dec 15, 2021 10:09 am
The ending, I read a reluctance to relinquish, and the act of storing the books darkens her...it's like a burial.
I do like this, Colm. I wonder what conveys it for you? You both credit me with more philosophy than I deserve but somehow it's the emotional truth.

I think we often write deeper than our remembering. Your use of 'armful' struck me immediately. I felt a sense of possession and defensiveness, she doesn't really want to relinquish her treasured books. In my mind they became a personification of her life, or parts of it. And the act of storing them would create a darkness, a blot. There's indecision here. Like she needs to change, but is unsure what to change.
Hope that makes sense.

TrevorConway
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Re: Library Inscapes

Post by TrevorConway » Tue Dec 21, 2021 1:46 am

Hi Jackie,

Some nice details here, but I felt the tone needed to be changed up a bit for variety. I enjoyed the slow tone/pace you've created; I just think it needs to shift a gear to avoid feeling flat in parts. Some specific below to illustrate what I mean/offer suggestions. I hope they're of some help.

Trev

With an armful of donated books, 
her face slightly left bent 
toward a near vent-block window, [How about one line: "her face bent left to a vent-block window"? I felt the 3 lines a bit too long/laboured for the intro]
a volunteer leaves behind her [Maybe "the volunteer", or just "she"? The volunteer detail feels unnecessary to me, but I might be missing an important distinction]
a tabled holograph, 
a roach-chewed novel’s dust-gloss cover frontispiece [all one line to vary the rhythm/tone] 
ignited by rays from the sun. [Do you mean "illuminated"? "Ignited" make me think of fire; "rays from the sun" feels a bit unimaginative; how about something more creative: "buttery sunlight"?]

[Maybe a verse break here?]

Does she see ahead the brace [The phrasing of this felt kind of stilted/unnecessarily "poetic". Any other way to go about it?]
that light through the doorway 
reveals to her, cast on the wall?

[Another verse break?]

The brace in the bookshelf she plans to fill
that once approached, will obstruct 
her will regarding this armful of books?

[I can't picture the brace, but maybe it's a terminology thing. Do you mean a space between the books? I also can't follow the grammar/meaning in the last verse. Do you mean something along the lines of "The brace...to fill, which once approached, will it obstruct...?"? "Her will regarding" also sounded awkward to me. How about "her will to...(verb) her armful of books"?]

It feels like an interesting, original scene you've tapped into here, Jackie. Well done.


 

AlienFlower
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Re: Library Inscapes

Post by AlienFlower » Wed Dec 29, 2021 4:42 am

Thanks, Trev, you've given me a lot to think about. I'll work on this after COVID's passed. :evil:

indar
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Re: Library Inscapes

Post by indar » Wed Dec 29, 2021 3:20 pm

Hi Jackie,

I've read this several times and dithered over your use of the word "brace". I'm going to set it aside for now. I seem to be reading it much differently than anyone else that has commented. I think the weight of those books and the light in the doorway foreshadows a looming dilemma for the woman as does the inner conflict in many of us at this time over first amendment rights and the spread of---oh, let's say conspiracy theories which the purveyors have every right to articulate. Perhaps it is the space that dilemma occupies that can be called a "brace"--between individual rights and truth. The books are the purveyors of ideas the woman finds repugnant but understands they must be tolerated. Well that's my two cents and I'm sticking with it. Obviously you've written a complicated and thought-provoking poem.

AlienFlower
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Re: Library Inscapes

Post by AlienFlower » Sat Jan 22, 2022 8:48 am

Hi Linda,

I wrote this draft in literal response to a photo I took that surprised me, but as I went on it became harder to stick to the literal because social issues came up that affected my word choice. For example, I have been frustrated for so long that the easiest way to build school library collections in the developing world is to receive donated discarded books from the US, but they are hard for the kids to relate to. Still, those books present a lot of debatable issues that are not normally taught here so that armful could be a "hot potato" if they really got into them. 

I find it hard to know where to draw the line in presenting multiple meanings in a poem. Do you stay with the literal and not mention the metaphorical at all, or do you hint at it the metaphorical only in the title, and so on.

Thank you for the time you spent thinking about the poem!
Jackie

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