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swing

General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
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Dave
Posts: 1991
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:07 am

swing

Post by Dave » Sun Jul 10, 2022 10:58 am

I am transferring this from Fives where it was quietly vegetating.

She comes naked to this early evening,
sits on a child's swing, swings it back
and forth, from the moon behind her
to the trees tilted towards the shore,
her head falls back till her hair
brushes the grass, her laugh bounces
from the sky across the sea lapped
islands hiding in the dark distance. 

On she goes, feet to the stars,
a woman in flight from all concerns,
her skin shines and glows, ruffled
by a breeze into goose feathers,
while I walk the garden perimeter
and observe her self-sufficency.
I am jealous and know it, my feet
gathering damp from the cooling earth. 

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Gyppo
Posts: 1338
Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2018 3:28 pm
Location: UK

Re: swing

Post by Gyppo » Tue Jul 12, 2022 3:41 pm

I really like this, Dave.  I've come back and read it several times.  It has a strange dream-like quality to it which teases at my imagination.  A woman, unselfconscious, playing  like a carefree girl,  wrapt in the moment.

And the watcher, excluded, knowing it's not for his benefit.

Gyppo
I've been writing ever since I realised I could.  Storytelling since I started talking.  Poetry however comes and goes  ;-)

Dave
Posts: 1991
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:07 am

Re: swing

Post by Dave » Wed Jul 13, 2022 9:02 am

Thanks Gyppo
Glad you liked it.
Dave
 

indar
Posts: 2908
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 8:00 am

Re: swing

Post by indar » Sat Aug 06, 2022 4:21 pm

 swings it back
and forth, from the moon behind her
to the trees tilted towards the shore,

Love this image as well as the later one "feet to the stars". I agree with Gyppo, there is a dreamlike quality to this. I didn't even get motion sickness thinking about it!

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