The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

I know this is not a new poem - I have been too busy to maintain any new poetry writing but wanted to show my face again so this is modified verison of a poem from NAPO 2022

Revised

Dalston Saturday night

Three young women promenade prosperity
along Dalston Saturday evening High Road,
sway pinched waists to Dean Martin crooning
Amore, sashay past Best Turkish Kebab
and swing flower patterned dresses. 

They pause to pirouette outside the Escape bar,
eye the lads in their dowdy jeans and T'shirts
proclaiming fitfully I hate people;
they ignore the shop grills' rotten teeth
the Victorian houses' arched brows,
and gentrified post-modern double glazing.

The Rio's Art Deco cheeks flush in the setting sun,
tonight: the Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent.
There is a new revolution in EartH,
dykes to watch out for in Dalston Superstone
as the sun sets in Ridley Road Market Bar
to cocktails, 70's disco and tropical vibes.

Outside Traid, they belt out with fervour
"When you dance down the street with
A cloud at your feet, you're in love
When you walk in a dream but you know you're not dreaming, signore"




Dalston Saturday night

Three young women promenade prosperity
along Dalston Saturday evening High Road,
sway pinched waists to Dean Martin crooning
Amore, sashay past Best Turkish Kebab
and flounce in flower patterned dresses. 

They pause to pirouette outside the Escape bar,
eye the lads in their dowdy jeans and T'shirts
proclaiming fitfully I hate people;
they ignore the shop grills' rotten teeth
the Victorian houses' arched brows,
and gentrified post-modern double glazing.

The Rio's Art Deco cheeks flushed in the setting sun,
tonight: the Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent.
Outside Traid, they belt out with fervour
"When you dance down the street with
A cloud at your feet, you're in love
When you walk in a dream but you know you're not dreaming, signore"


There is a new revolution in EartH, dykes
to watch out for in Dalston Superstone
before the sun sets in Ridley Road Market Bar
to cocktails, 70's disco and tropical vibes.

Dave, you paint a vivid picture with a number of clear images.  Promenade, sashay, flounce  and pirouette all earn their keep as being just the right words for the era.

I particularly like the visuals in this little section...

they ignore the shop grills' rotten teeth
the Victorian houses' arched brows,
and gentrified post-modern double glazing.

It shows the passage of time and the way some eras seem to hang on well after their sell-by date.

Gyppo

Yes, those three lines:

they ignore the shop grills' rotten teeth
the Victorian houses' arched brows,
and gentrified post-modern double glazing.

They really speak to the imagination.

Definitely my favourite part of the poem, too, although I'm also really taken with the sound of flounce in flower patterned dresses.

Hi Dave

A consensus on the standout lines, particularly liked the arched brows. I don't think you need the last verse.

Phil

Thanks Phil - I have rejigged the ending rather than cut.