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This Time

General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
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Tracy Mitchell
Posts: 3179
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:58 pm

This Time

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Sun Jan 22, 2023 9:39 pm

~

        This Time  

I could be an oriole 
or winterberry holly, leaning. 

My life could open on the far slope.
In foliage

of red berries above new snow.

I hear moss inch further each night 
and while I sleep 
water moves upstream.

~

Dave
Posts: 1991
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:07 am

Re: This Time

Post by Dave » Sun Jan 29, 2023 8:00 am

I enjoyed this. I am not sure if I personally am so fond of the personification, it nevertheless works. There are very affecting moments such as the addition of 'leaning' end of L1 plus the inching moss and water moving upstream giving the poem a magical air.
Dave

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Mark
Posts: 586
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 4:19 am

Re: This Time

Post by Mark » Sun Feb 05, 2023 8:02 am

I think the upstream water movement relates to how trees take up moisture by vertical capillary action. If so, it's a subtle insertion but overall the pause to think about it may distract from the rest of the piece. I found the image of the red berries over new snow quite striking. I suppose new snow is different to old snow, I don't know much about snow. The idea of reincarnating as a tree is interesting. I sometimes wonder about the placement of trees in nature, literally rooted for life in one seemingly random place. Like, why there? 

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