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Knob-Handled Pot

General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
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AlienFlower
Posts: 475
Joined: Fri Feb 05, 2021 9:32 am
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Knob-Handled Pot

Post by AlienFlower » Tue Mar 14, 2023 9:42 am

 
This perforated two-handled pot 
firmly seated up next to the fan 
grows a vine. It glints waxy green
on hot days. Tentacles 
weave spills
like locks from Rapunzel 
all-the-way-down-to-the-sill
which I trim, so more will wind
through the clay holes 
and off the cracked rim. 
Knob-handled pots should be sus-
pending so smoke wends abroad 
in all directions fending off wicked intentions, 
too multifaced to submit 
to my tending.

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Mark
Posts: 586
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 4:19 am

Re: Knob-Handled Pot

Post by Mark » Tue Mar 14, 2023 11:52 am

A wandering narrative that wends its way to a gentle conclusion. Multi-faced? Or faceted?

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Gyppo
Posts: 1338
Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2018 3:28 pm
Location: UK

Re: Knob-Handled Pot

Post by Gyppo » Tue Mar 14, 2023 4:57 pm

Pleasingly visual, Jackie.

Gyppo
I've been writing ever since I realised I could.  Storytelling since I started talking.  Poetry however comes and goes  ;-)

Dave
Posts: 1991
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:07 am

Re: Knob-Handled Pot

Post by Dave » Wed Mar 15, 2023 1:31 pm

Hey 
A different subject. I found some imaging could do with more precision and some was interesting. Firstly, that pot was seated is an odd word choice.  I am not surre the mixed metaphor/simile of tentacles and Rapunzel's hair work well here. Tentacles do not have the same texture or form of locks. I can imagine one or the other but not both. See no sense in the hyphens added to all the way down to the sill, which turn this into a noun. At the moment in any case you seem to be trimming the sill not the hair. Lastly, not convinced of the line break on sus--

Hope this helps

Dave
 

AlienFlower
Posts: 475
Joined: Fri Feb 05, 2021 9:32 am
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Re: Knob-Handled Pot

Post by AlienFlower » Sun Mar 19, 2023 6:34 am

Thank you Mark, Gyppo and Dave—always appreciate your comments.

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