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Then and Now

General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
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Gyppo
Posts: 1438
Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2018 3:28 pm
Location: UK

Then and Now

Post by Gyppo » Tue Mar 21, 2023 7:47 am

Limbering up for NAPO ;-)

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Then and Now

Then...

Eighteen and indestructible.
All the time in the world,
filled with limitless possibilities.

Now...

I know I'm not indestructible,
but it's a hard belief to shake.
I know time has its limits,
but the possibilities are still here.

Guess I'll never learn,
or perhaps I simply won't.

Gyppo
I've been writing ever since I realised I could.  Storytelling since I started talking.  Poetry however comes and goes  ;-)

Dave
Posts: 2080
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:07 am

Re: Then and Now

Post by Dave » Mon Mar 27, 2023 6:25 am

Hey Gyppo

While I enjoyed the sentiments of this and am of course familiar with your prose style, I think this could cut much of the unnecessary filler, for example:

Eighteen and indestructible, 
all the time in the world,
infinite possibilities.

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Gyppo
Posts: 1438
Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2018 3:28 pm
Location: UK

Re: Then and Now

Post by Gyppo » Mon Mar 27, 2023 7:09 am

Dave.  

Comment appreciated.   This is of course much more concise, and perfectly valid in its own right.  But it misses the point that the possibilities remain, even when youth and the feeling of indestructability have been tempered by age. 

Gyppo
I've been writing ever since I realised I could.  Storytelling since I started talking.  Poetry however comes and goes  ;-)

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