General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
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Gyppo
- Posts: 1167
- Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2018 9:28 pm
- Location: UK
Post
by Gyppo » Tue Mar 21, 2023 1:47 pm
Limbering up for NAPO
=====
Then and Now
Then...
Eighteen and indestructible.
All the time in the world,
filled with limitless possibilities.
Now...
I
know I'm not indestructible,
but it's a hard belief to shake.
I
know time has its limits,
but the possibilities are still here.
Guess I'll never learn,
or perhaps I simply
won't.
Gyppo
I've been writing ever since I realised I could. Storytelling since I started talking. Poetry however comes and goes

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Dave
- Posts: 1774
- Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 4:07 pm
Post
by Dave » Mon Mar 27, 2023 12:25 pm
Hey Gyppo
While I enjoyed the sentiments of this and am of course familiar with your prose style, I think this could cut much of the unnecessary filler, for example:
Eighteen and indestructible,
all the time in the world,
infinite possibilities.
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Gyppo
- Posts: 1167
- Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2018 9:28 pm
- Location: UK
Post
by Gyppo » Mon Mar 27, 2023 1:09 pm
Dave.
Comment appreciated. This is of course much more concise, and perfectly valid in its own right. But it misses the point that the possibilities remain, even when youth and the feeling of indestructability have been tempered by age.
Gyppo
I've been writing ever since I realised I could. Storytelling since I started talking. Poetry however comes and goes
