The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

No one enjoyed a smutty joke more than Lucy,
her guttural laugh let us know she got it,
the most subtle double entendre.

Yet even family members shouted in her face
as if she couldn't hear, used language
more appropriate to a child.

Brain damaged, so the story went,
born with the navel chord
wrapped three times around her neck.

Grandma took responsibility,
it was that merry-go-round ride
during pregnancy. Clutched the pole
in terror, neck stretched, back arched, legs too tense;
you could see it all transferred to Lucille's body.

Her other daughters knew grandma's truth, her guilt:
Lucille had been conceived out of wedlock:
sins of the parents right there in the Bible,
the words Grandma suffered.

The family lie told Lucille: she'd been committed
to the Faribault state hospital, age nine,
so they could make her better,
knowing she'd be warehoused all her life.

She was patient with us, repeated her strained
sentences while we guessed what she was saying
like some game show.

Much of the annual conversations were the perennial questions:
do you think I'm getting better? Yes, yes we said.
When can I come home for good? Soon, soon we said.

We all had the same script that made us feel better.
Since I can remember, I joined that chorus.

She must have believed to some extent.
When Oral Roberts did an alter call she stood
placed her hand on the TV and prayed for healing.

What does it hurt to play along, give her hope?

Lucille, 1915-2001, Awarded Special Olympics medal,1983, that reads on the back: Let me win, but if I can't win, let me be brave in the attempt.


 

A very  moving, very sad and very human poem of bravery fear and some kind hope and redemtive spirit. Thanks Indar

Thank you, Dave. I think now the family would not have made everything contingent on her "getting better". Now I would hope we'd have told her we loved her the way she was and admired how courageously she faced her life of extreme difficulty.

I love this poem, and your the content of your last posted comment here.

This poem finds unsentimentalized ways to humanize everyone involved. I think this was a common way to address neuro-diversity, and I am familiar with the Faribault facility. 

S.3 L.2 – consider ending the line with “wrapped”, so as to emphasize both “wrapped” and "three times”.  Moving wrapped from L.3 to L.2 makes both lines stronger.

S.4. L,.1 – “took responsibility” doesn’t feel right.  Isn’t it more a matter of shouldering undeserved blame?

S.4  L.5 – “you could see it all” feels awkward.  I don’t have a suggestion. Sorry.

S.8  L1. – “conversations were the perennial. . ."  >> “conversation started with perennial . . .” ?

S.9 and first line of S.10 - consider deleting these.  The repeats of “we said” in S.8 make all of this clear without needing to restate it.  Losing the first line of S.10 also makes the stanza stronger.

Take or toss, these are only my thoughts.

Cheers and thanks for posting.

T

This is a poem that I will include in one of my promised updates to the family folio of poems and illustrations. There's a lot to be done on it. I agree with your suggestions so much so that I will print them out before I tackle the edit. Thank you Tracy, my mentor.

On the contrary, Linda, you are MY mentor, and have been for a dozen years (I joined MWC on leap-year day, 2012).