Neptune on a Wednesday

[Sharon Leigh]

.


I meet him where the salt marsh
sucks the earth, a silver day
of rain, no tourists. We are peach
against the swaying sawgrass, his eyes

a riptide, pulling: danger for the swimmer,
caution. What is this quality of light?
We speak of boats, or clamming, small talk
swept away on stinging winds. His smile

chapped, brine and self assurance, rows
of white against the beard, chamois skin.
Where is the trident, the coral crown?
Storms pile at his fair isle shoulder,
broad as the east horizon.



.

[Matty11]

There is a lot to like here Sharon (seascape/landscape settings/genres are amongst my fav reads).

I meet him where the salt marsh
sucks the earth

There's a walk from Laugharne, one that Dylan Thomas often took, that came to mind. You can sit on a bench and look over the salt marsh - you can listen to the quiet (imagine meeting Dylan there!) Great opening. It's always best when no tourists are about

What is this quality of light.

Do you need a question mark there?

I like how skirting the 'small talk' there was that attraction of 'danger'...that combo of storms/fair.

best

Phil

[Sharon Leigh]

Thanks much Phil! Yes, I did need a question mark there, changed now. Appreciate your looking in!

Best,
Sharon

[Kate]

I meet him where the salt marsh
sucks the earth, a silver day
of rain, no tourists. We are peach
against the livid sawgrass, his eyes

a riptide, pulling: danger for the swimmer,
caution. What is this quality of light?
We speak of boats, or clamming, small talk
swept away on stinging winds. His smile

chapped, brine and self assurance, rows
of white against the beard, chamois skin.
Where is the trident, the coral crown?
Storms pile at his fair isle shoulder,
broad as the east horizon.
.

This is really quite lovely!

I'm not sure about the "peach against the livid sawgrass" -- flesh? static against vehement nature?
S3 L1, L2 are perfect. In fact, all of S3 is a winner. I picture a Hemingway-type guy -- gorgeous and pure trouble!

Nice work.
Kate

[Matty11]

hi Sharon,
Picking up on Kate's point. I did wonder about the use of livid too?
best

phil

[Sharon Leigh]

Thank you, Kate! And phil, (& Kate) as to the "peach/livid" line, I was attempting to paint a certain quality of light, where it's overcast yet somehow colors are saturated and intensified, almost neon. So yes, flesh, against tall greens.

[Marc Gilbert]

God, you write so well, it makes me jealous.

minor suggestions, offer timidly:

I meet him where the salt marsh
sucks the earth, a silver day
of rain, no tourists. We are peach
against the livid sawgrass his eyes

]

I'd drop "livid"

A minor sacrifice of sense for sound, again a timid suggestion. Nice work.

[Sharon Leigh]

Hi Marc, thank you so much, and yes I'm leaning toward agreement re: livid, I think it's a stumbling block and not adding anything. Will likely remove. Thanks again for your help and for reading me!

Best,
Sharon

[Colm Roe]

Oh...I think Sharon is smitten.
Fab showing of your (or the N's) unbridled lust.
Super poem.

[Sharon Leigh]

Ha, Colm! Really it was an attempt to paint an old memory. Maybe I laid it on too thick

Thanks for looking in

Best,
S