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The Art of Ghosting

General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
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Sharon Leigh
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Location: Midwest US

The Art of Ghosting

Post by Sharon Leigh » Sun Jan 14, 2018 5:25 pm

.


Start at the end. Begin where the mess smells,
work backward in large strokes. Put your elbow
into it. Decrease, recede. Pull color into bristles once again,

soak the ocher, umber of the last text
bitter into turpentine. Scrub, repeat.
Aspirate the last kiss, swirling red, don't watch.

Spin your vinyls in reverse, if you have them.
Stare down the sun.

Imagine Jupiter. Take a bath. Organize the
box of Alpha-bits. Get your eyebrows threaded,
feed a tortoise. Thin and thinner, til
you are a neutron star, streaming.
"well for a lonely soul, you're having such a nice time" - Keane

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Marc Gilbert
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Location: Chicago, USA
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Re: The Art of Ghosting

Post by Marc Gilbert » Mon Jan 15, 2018 5:26 am

Cool stuff!

I love the closing line. putting on my critics hat it's more subtle in sound that I'm used to from reading your work. Not a bad thing, just something I noticed. But since by inclination, I'd turn every poem into a damn nursery rhyme, take that with a huge grain of salt.

Nice poeming (the f'n auto-correct has turned that into "opening 5 times).

It's a pleasure that you're here. I love reading your work.
"Poetry is not speech raised to the level of music, but music brought down to the level of speech." - Paul Valery

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Sharon Leigh
Posts: 420
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 4:07 am
Location: Midwest US

Re: The Art of Ghosting

Post by Sharon Leigh » Mon Jan 15, 2018 7:30 am

Thank you so much, Marc, I appreciate the eyes (ears?) on this. I likely should have posted it in ICU, since I feel it has good bones but is quite rough around the edges, disjointed. Though, I reached intentionally for a bit of disjointment (is that a word? It is now.) to convey continued detachment, but run the risk of losing its vehicle. Idk. Needs a bit of polish, at any rate.

Much appreciate your looking in!

Best,
Sharon
"well for a lonely soul, you're having such a nice time" - Keane

indar
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Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 8:00 am

Re: The Art of Ghosting

Post by indar » Mon Jan 15, 2018 9:41 am

Start at the end. Begin where the mess smells,
work backward in large strokes. Put your elbow
into it. Decrease, recede. Pull color into bristles once again,

soak the ocher, umber of the last text
bitter into turpentine. Scrub, repeat.
Aspirate the last kiss, swirling red, don't watch.

Spin your vinyls in reverse, if you have them.
Stare down the sun.

Imagine Jupiter. Take a bath. Organize the
box of Alpha-bits. Get your eyebrows threaded,
feed a tortoise. Thin and thinner, til
you are a neutron star, streaming.

Every bit of this conjures up some image/sensation. My overall impression---re-envisioning how to live starting where things began to go wrong. Yes! ocher and umber (especially the raw kind) are acidic.

I well remember when one of the Beatles albums came out (Abbey Road perhaps) rumor had it Paul was dead and one hint was if you played the vinyl backward the words were clear "Paul is dead" Love this reverse of that message, learning to live joyously.

And what a fabulous ending! spend life, burn it up, rejoin the cosmos---oh do I sound like an old hippie?

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Colm Roe
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Re: The Art of Ghosting

Post by Colm Roe » Mon Jan 15, 2018 8:02 pm

I could read this again and again (and I have) and keep seeing different things. 
Just read Tim Peake's book, he was asked if he could smell space (fab question), I was expecting him to say 'no'.
But it does...it smells burnt! Your first line reminded me of this.
Nice read. 

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Mark
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Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 4:19 am

Re: The Art of Ghosting

Post by Mark » Tue Jan 16, 2018 6:34 am

Love the title. Strong writing, the narrative seems to escalate like a gentle trip of some kind. Nice layers and texture here, a really cool read.   

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Sharon Leigh
Posts: 420
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 4:07 am
Location: Midwest US

Re: The Art of Ghosting

Post by Sharon Leigh » Tue Jan 16, 2018 1:37 pm

Thank you Colm, and...burnt?! Well I suppose it makes sense but, that's wild. Fascinating

Thanks also, Mark, for looking in and for your comments here

Best,
Sharon
"well for a lonely soul, you're having such a nice time" - Keane

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