Rear View

[indar]

Condos

emerge like mushrooms

at the bottom of the canyon.

All day construction sounds

vault my backyard fence.

 

The lagoon blocked seaside:

east-end waterfalls are lost

to flood baffle slabs.

The waterfowl pond is doomed.

 

Two bedrooms, sea level,

baking in a hole.

500 thousand each,

price controlled

 

The hammering proceeds.

Billboards proclaim

"Quarry Creek Estates",

crushed rock equipment gone,

creek contained.

 

But my neighbor says 

the lights down there

will be beautiful at night.

[Mark]

Nicely done. An astute observation on progress in one's "back yard". My only suggestion would be to use another verb for the action of mushrooms; emerge perhaps, there's sense of mixed metaphor there, I think. The specifics really bring this into relief, it seems so real. Your neighbor's a silver lining type, it seems. 

[Matty11]

Hi Indar,
               Some effective consonance and assonance in this: conveys the edge - though you may want to revisit contol/controlled.

They flourish like mushrooms.....................use Condo for the title?

at the bottom of the canyon.

All day construction sounds

vault my backyard fence................like the dynamic of vault there

 

The lagoon blocked seaside:

east-end waterfalls are lost

to cement barrier flood control...............too much description?

The waterfowl pond is doomed....enjoyed the lagoon/doomed. The short sentence works.

 

Two bedrooms, sea level,

baking in a hole.

500 thousand each,

price controlled.........................full-stop?

 

The hammering proceeds.

Billboards proclaim

"Quarry Creek Estates",

crushed rock equipment gone,

creek contained.

 

But my neighbor says 

the lights down there

will be beautiful at night...............nice irony

best

Phil
 

[indar]

Thank you Mark and Phil,

Yes indeed to:
 

They flourish like mushrooms.....................use Condo for the title?

at the bottom of the canyon.

Phils suggestion also addresses Mark's concern. There was a seven-drop waterfall that had to be contained by cement baffles in order for permits to build were issued. The fight lasted years but in the end its amazing how my neighbor and others found reasons to accept the inevitable. Life goes on.

Thank you both for the read, comments and suggestions. I have no problem using them verbatim

[Sharon Leigh]

Hi indar,

I really really like the "mushroom" simile. It's perfect, I could instantly see it. As with your other comments, sharply focused and observed. The final S a testament to the all-too-human spirit, whether taken at face value as rose colored glasses, or an ascerbic sarcasm, works wonderful either way.

Thanks for sharing!
Best,
Sharon

[Marc Gilbert]

Hi there forgive the tinker, easiest way to express my thought on the itty bits. I enjoy the poem as a whole greatly. It paints a vivid and relatable sense of encroachment. Love the last stanza.

so here's the little tweaks:

Condos

emerge like mushrooms
at the bottom of the canyon.
All day construction sounds
vault my backyard fence. <-- the extra two beats make the line sound regular/traditional and out of place sonically with the rest of the lines

...

The waterfowl pond is doomed. are doomed again all ear.

A thoroughly enjoyable read.

[indar]

Hi Marc,

Thanks for the read and tinker. I'll look at removing "backyard". I don't get what you mean by this:

The waterfowl pond is doomed. are doomed again all ear.

[indar]

Thanks Sharon,

whether taken at face value as rose colored glasses, or an ascerbic sarcasm, works wonderful either way.

I have ambiguous feelings about the "lemonaid from lemons" thing. Can'y keep fighting or bearing grudges but its so sad to see that last little bit of wildness graded under and built over

http://www.kpbs.org/news/2013/feb/20/qu ... conundrum/

[Marc Gilbert]

The lagoon blocked seaside:
east-end waterfalls are lost
to flood baffle slabs.
The waterfowl are doomed.

I think it sounds better and a bit more punchy. The preceding lines make the explicit mention of a specific body of water unnecessary. Hope that helps clarify the comment. As to it value, that's another thing.

[Tracy Mitchell]

An easy commentary, Indar.  I can see the spread of the mushrooms - fungus in the valley.
It also carries that subliminal mushroom cloud image - knee-jerk to my generation. Not sure if it was intended, but fits nicely.

I take the last stanza to be one of the 'things we tell ourselves'.  [Everything will be better tomorrow].  And I take it in a mild, or understated irony.  

Very enjoyable.

T