Neglect

[Colm Roe]

Loved the way you handled this.
Can relate to everything you said, been there with our cats/dogs/fish/dwarf hamsters etc. 
Parents, sometimes we're too soft with our children, and sometimes we're oblivious to their needs.
You can try to spread the 'load', but ultimately it all falls back on the parent/s. We shouldn't have to...but we do,
and is probably what we want anyway. Love and guilt and acceptance etc. 
Last S finished cleverly, no whacking us over the head with a grand finale...just business as usual.
A lovely poem.

 

[Tim J Brennan]

Neglect

 

My little black dog has a soft muzzle

like a horse's mouth--

nuzzling for something to eat.

I didn't know how to care for my horse.

 

My little black dog leans against me,

she wants her head rubbed,

I rub her head for all the parakeets, kittens

and the horse

I didn't know how to care for.

 

My oldest daughter, so uncertain in this world

cried at the bus stop 

did not want to go to school,

I would not listen to her reasons.

 

I make Vanya clean his hamster's cage

and Dennis change the cat box

as someone should have done with me.

How can I care for every needy thing,

or listen to every reason?.

 

I check the water in the dog dish

and rub Ursula's black head:

she leans against me.

Thought the names coming in so late was a bit odd for this reader, Indar. But the thought process had me from the get-go.  I was smiling by S2.  

Enjoyed the read very much.

[Matty11]

.

[Matty11]

    I could only yearn for the world of sophistication and excitement, learning and success, the women on that program represented.

It's all about context in my view. I prefer nouns/verbs to take the prime locations, the beginning or end of a line, because I want the reader focus on their significance.

Anyway back to your poem...


    My little black dog has a soft muzzle
    like a horse's mouth--
    nuzzling for something to eat.
    I didn't know how to care for my horse.

    My little black dog leans against me,
    she wants her head rubbed,
    I rub her head for all the parakeets, kittens
    and the horse.

    My oldest daughter, so uncertain in this world,
    cried at the bus stop
    did not want to go to school,

    I make Vanya clean his hamster's cage
    and Dennis change the cat box
    as someone should have done with me.

    I check the water in the dog dish
    and rub Ursula's black head:
    she leans against me.

    How can I care for every needy thing,
    or listen to every reason?

I prefer the repetitions in your version. They bind the structure in an insistence that reflects the mind state. By the way, you don't need that full-stop after a question mark.

best

Phil

[indar]

Thank you Colm, Tim and Matty'

Phil--there's a full stop after a question mark?. I need to up the magnification on my readers.

[font][font]I could only yearn for the world of sophistication and excitement, learning and success, the women on that program represented.[/font][/font]

Why didn't I think of that? Thank you so much for going back there to look. 

Tim, I played with saying "I make my grandson's clean the hamster cage" etc but thought specific names might work better. Maybe "grandsons" heightens an idea that with age----

Colm, we often think alike---those little animals are sure to get us

[Janet]

Linda- the content here is so opposite the language of a bragging parent/do-gooder, that it drew me in first stanza. It's the kind of poem that helps me forgive myself. I love the humility of it; the natural, intimate language.

Kudos, dear poet.

Janet

[indar]

Thank you Janet,

It is good to post a poem like this and realize others can relate.

[David B]

Hi, the subject here interests me but the whole poem lacks focus I thought (sounds harsh now I say it) but it's my honest reaction. I would write another version of this starting with the horse you didn't care for properly, this seems to be what haunts you all through this, a fear that you might be neglectful. Start with the horse, give us some images, then move on to the children. I'd end with the dog. Just a rough plan and not a replacement for this poem. Just thought it might be an interesting exercise to explore this in a slightly different way.

[indar]

I thought to present an example of circuitous thinking/fretting. The softness of the dog's muzzle was what set the N off on the rehash of old stuff---and back to the trigger at the end. But I am perfectly willing to play with ideas. Thank you for the feedback---always good to get different perspectives---not harsh.