Fragments of a Wisconsin Childhood

[Tim J Brennan]

What I remember most about Wisconsin
is only partially true:

summer hot railroad tracks, 428 steps
before falling to cinders

a roundhouse, a Little League 
baseball field, white foul poles

NSP power-lines, to either save me
or provide a new way of life

father’s La-Z-Boy recliner, stranded
in front of a Zenith.

All us boys knew Harry’s place though,
his ghost town:

in the woods by the sea, all those strange feelings
and the pin-ups in his garage—

what it felt like to moonwalk beneath 
naked women, especially Miss October

with her amazingly large breasts & pert pink lips;
she seemed to whisper to me

It’s not really an ocean, son, it’s my lake—  
care to take a dip?

and occasionally I might spend myself
on the sheer shadows of her pubic hair.
 

[indar]

father’s La-Z-Boy recliner, stranded
in front of a Zenith.

I could write paragraphs about this S. But I won't. This Stanza identifies the sacred space, the holy tension in that area between the alter of the TV and the position (literally) of the individual in thrall to it. I love it.

What follows is an initiation into a mystical understanding of a different sort. I wonder if there could be a better tie-in between the two scenarios. Perhaps the couplet structure is taking over too much.

I see this draft as loaded with possibilities I hope you will continue to explore
 

[Tim J Brennan]

father’s La-Z-Boy recliner, strandedin front of a Zenith.

I could write paragraphs about this S. But I won't. This Stanza identifies the sacred space, the holy tension in that area between the alter of the TV and the position (literally) of the individual in thrall to it. I love it.

What follows is an initiation into a mystical understanding of a different sort. I wonder if there could be a better tie-in between the two scenarios. Perhaps the couplet structure is taking over too much.

I see this draft as loaded with possibilities I hope you will continue to explore

Formatting is a consideration, for sure. I have a whole series of "Fragment" poems (all couplets).  This one might be a black sheep   It may even be two poems.

Glad the first half seems to be working for you.  Thanks.  

Harry was a neighborhood geezer who had all the inside walls papered with Play Boy pin-ups.  His wife refused to go in and insisted Harry always back out before she would get in the car.  He wasn't a pervert...just a dirty old man.  All the guys I hung around with "loved" to visit Harry.  It was like a non-moving X-rated movie...one scene at a time. 

[Janet]

Your set up is excellent, leading in to the major turn.

We get the inside scoop on N's thought process as he's reflecting about the things he readily shares about his childhood vs. the taboo yet normal experiences he keeps closer to his chest.

Who doesn't have an adolescent experience that doesn't somehow relate to becoming sexually aware?

To my ear, "a new way of life" would be an improvement to "a new way to live".

Enjoyed the ghost town imagery, Harry's place being off the beaten path- lovely metaphor.

Not crazy about on "the sheer shadows of her pubic hair". But the good news is it caused a reaction.

Enjoyed the read.

Janet
 

[Tim J Brennan]

Your set up is excellent, leading in to the major turn.

We get the inside scoop on N's thought process as he's reflecting about the things he readily shares about his childhood vs. the taboo yet normal experiences he keeps closer to his chest.

Who doesn't have an adolescent experience that doesn't somehow relate to becoming sexually aware?

To my ear, "a new way of life" would be an improvement to "a new way to live".

Enjoyed the ghost town imagery, Harry's place being off the beaten path- lovely metaphor.

Not crazy about on "the sheer shadows of her pubic hair". But the good news is it caused a reaction.

Enjoyed the read.

Janet
 

I like "...a new way of life"  /  I will edit.  

Thanks for all your comments. Makes me feel better about the turn.  

I can live w/o the the last two lines. Will keep them for now to see if I can elicit other comments  :)     

[Dave]

Hi Tim
i have reading this for a while now and enjoying it and being intrigued by it. The story is pretty commonplace, which is both good and bad - something a bit archaic now in the internet era, something a bit innocent about the town and discoveries and in light of current sexual/social events definitely creepy. Line 2 is the most interesting in my opinion but is also the least explored line of thought. What exactly here is only partly true? How can that be so? How come the second half is mentioned as if it is total truth even though I have to say the last masturbation is both a) too much information b) slightly improbable if Miss October is hanging ABOVE the boys on the wall.
As I said the theme of memory and its distortions would intrique me more and needs more padding to justify that second line.
Dave

[Tim J Brennan]

Hi Tim
i have reading this for a while now and enjoying it and being intrigued by it. The story is pretty commonplace, which is both good and bad - something a bit archaic now in the internet era, something a bit innocent about the town and discoveries and in light of current sexual/social events definitely creepy. Line 2 is the most interesting in my opinion but is also the least explored line of thought. What exactly here is only partly true? How can that be so? How come the second half is mentioned as if it is total truth even though I have to say the last masturbation is both a) too much information b) slightly improbable if Miss October is hanging ABOVE the boys on the wall.
As I said the theme of memory and its distortions would intrique me more and needs more padding to justify that second line.
Dave

I'm over 60, Dave.  Anything that happened that long ago can only be partly true.   Hence the "fragments" in the title.

You only masturbated looking down at something?  ;)  Hard to believe.  

Thanks for the thoughts. 
 

[Tracy Mitchell]

Hi Tim,

The poem starts as a list poem then takes a curious detour.  The Narrator finds himself awash in a sea of hormones – coming of age in the old Lutheran/Republican mid-west.  Nice metaphor - ocean/lake - and nicely played in the text.  

Discussion of male sexuality is a mine field these days.  But in those days it was for discussion only with your buddies, and even then, not so much.  I suppose every town had something like Harry’s place.  My small town had a small college, and the college had dorms.  One of the men’s dorms had a closet which was the storage place for a number of well-thumbed Playboy mags.  Getting in and then out seemed at the time like Escape From East Germany.  And if memory serves, the last stanza’s “sheer shadows of pubic hair” is a pretty fair description of what was and wasn’t revealed in the pictures.  “Strange feelings and pinups” - that phrase pretty much captures it.  

Tim, you have a way of nailing the first line – this one really grabs.  And the claim of only partial truth is effective - it left me reading the poem closely to see what I think might be not true.  At the end I am not concerned about that question, as in the swirl of hormones and ‘strange feelings’ and what happens in those times, well - what is true-true and what is remembrance does seem to blend.  Factual accuracy becomes irrelevant.  

The photo of Miss October, and the sense that she is whispering to the N is enough for me - I really didn’t need the well-worn physical description.  The rest of the poem is fresh and creatively written.  The white foul poles and the 428 steps are wonderful textural details which can’t be invented.  So much of this rings true.  Especially, as Indar noted, the recliner in front of the Zenith.  The ‘rich’ people owned a Setchel Carlson cabinet TV, us proletarians had the Zeniths.

I am not sure about ‘moonwalk’.  I can’t help think about Michael Jackson, but he hadn’t popularized his moonwalk at that time.  Does it mean that the N took a moon-lit walk to Harry’s place for a surreptitious viewing?  Or did he in fact do a funky backward stroll while . . . spending?

NSP - recall the Homer and Roy commercials – the cartoon guys & the slogan - electricity is pennies cheap.  

You’ve recaptured the ambience.

T



 

[Tim J Brennan]

Tracy: thanks for the detailed response. Appreciate it muchly.  

Agree w/"time worn" physical details of Miss October. I need to play around w/the italics a bit w/her voice. 

Your concerns about "moonwalk" hadn't occurred to me. Thank you. No, it is definitely NOT a nod to M. Jackson. It would have been maybe 1968 when we hung around Harry's garage. I need to address this. Again thanks. 

I like this place 

[Tracy Mitchell]

Cool, because this place likes you, too.