General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
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indar
- Posts: 2991
- Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 8:00 am
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by indar » Tue Feb 13, 2018 10:25 am
Valentine Presents
He wanted the Apple watch.
She spent half the day baking
a red velvet cake
with cream cheese frosting.
She wanted the dining set
pictured in the Gabberts ad.
He secretly rewired the lights
in the laundry room.
Each expected delight from the other.
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Tracy Mitchell
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by Tracy Mitchell » Tue Feb 13, 2018 11:26 am
A little bit of Venus & Mars, lots of sincere miscalculation and a measurable dollop of materialism. How interesting that each is focused on labor intensive giving for their present to the other, and both simply want for themselves something purchased. Between the four presents, I'd take the cake.
Engaging writing. I like this.
T
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indar
- Posts: 2991
- Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 8:00 am
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by indar » Tue Feb 13, 2018 12:13 pm
Thanks Tracy,
I just spotted the lights/delight problem--too fast on the "submit" trigger.
I always told my family I appreciated the gift of self more than anything they could buy (hint: wash dishes for a week).
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Matty11
- Posts: 1730
- Joined: Thu Jan 11, 2018 7:58 pm
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by Matty11 » Tue Feb 13, 2018 2:01 pm
He secretly rewired the lightsin the laundry room.
Probably me, but I wondered if there was a hint of a darker intent there? Or perhaps they can't afford the wants, but labour for each other as best they can - giving their time. Either way enjoyed the realities of the domestics.
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Tim J Brennan
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by Tim J Brennan » Tue Feb 13, 2018 8:11 pm
indar wrote: ↑Tue Feb 13, 2018 10:25 am
Valentine Presents
He wanted the Apple watch.
She spent half the day baking
a red velvet cake
with cream cheese frosting.
She wanted the dining set
pictured in the Gabberts ad.
He secretly rewired the lights
in the laundry room.
Each expected delight from the other.
Interesting that the traditional male/female roles are present: baking and laundry for her; the more manly electrical tools for him.
Am intrigued by "secretly"...I mean, who else would she think would be doing this? Also by "expected delight"....like its a rarity in their relationship.
This is a sad poem.
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indar
- Posts: 2991
- Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 8:00 am
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by indar » Tue Feb 13, 2018 10:34 pm
I had a classic short story in mind--
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Gift_of_the_Magi
But in this case each was more focused on what they had done for the other with expectations and as T points out there is a good dollup of materialism involved in what they wanted for themselves. And yes it is sad.
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Colm Roe
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by Colm Roe » Wed Feb 14, 2018 3:33 am
Like Matty I saw the rewired lights in a sinister way.
Either way I enjoyed the read.
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indar
- Posts: 2991
- Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 8:00 am
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by indar » Wed Feb 14, 2018 7:40 am
Like Matty I saw the rewired lights in a sinister way.
Sure, we'll go with that. I meant it to be ambiguous. Happy Valentine's Day