Re: Going Through All These Things Twice
Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2018 3:01 am
Hi Tracy
Coming in late on this but actually glad i am as Indar really helped me get a hang on the poem. It turns out I am pretty terrible at interpreting poems. This is one very serious and profound piece of work. Nevertheless, it manages to read easily and engages with arresting images. There are probably thngs to edit as you seem to want to but already it has a very rounded quality. I need to read this n much more depth to suggest anything yet but one does present itself in line one, which is to use 'drew' red from my arm rather than pulled to get the dual meaning of painting and draw blood, but maybe too obvious.
Good work.
Dave
Coming in late on this but actually glad i am as Indar really helped me get a hang on the poem. It turns out I am pretty terrible at interpreting poems. This is one very serious and profound piece of work. Nevertheless, it manages to read easily and engages with arresting images. There are probably thngs to edit as you seem to want to but already it has a very rounded quality. I need to read this n much more depth to suggest anything yet but one does present itself in line one, which is to use 'drew' red from my arm rather than pulled to get the dual meaning of painting and draw blood, but maybe too obvious.
Good work.
Dave