the nest new versions

Dave · Post by **Dave** » Wed Mar 21, 2018 9:44 am

Alternative version

Under the window sill
a nest of our ladies.
I count their spots for luck,
summer being long gone.

alternative versions 2
A nest of ladybirds
tucked into a corner.
I say my hail marys
for summer discretions.

Inside the window frame
Marias' eyes nest.
I count them for luck
knowing summer is long gone.

Post by **indar** » Wed Mar 21, 2018 2:36 pm

Hi Dave,

I find myself trying to explain away the image this poem first conjures up on reading it. I understand the frame is probably a photo frame but counting the eyes for luck suggests several eyes. A single person, Maria, is named and my initial reaction is a person with several eyes. Well, I'm certain that's not what is meant so I say to myself--perhaps its one of those frames in which several photos are displayed or maybe the N considers 2 a lucky number---but I can't rid myself of that first image of Maria in summer.

Mark · Post by **Mark** » Wed Mar 21, 2018 4:07 pm

Yes, the eye count also made me pause but it doesn't matter - this like a a sliver of light through a barely cracked door and the back story is in shadow. A possible tweak.

Inside the frame
Maria's eyes rest.
I count on them for luck,
knowing summer is gone.

Post by **Colm Roe** » Wed Mar 21, 2018 8:22 pm

Why am I thinking 'One for sorrow, two for joy'?
But there's no joy.
Her eyes only rest when suspended in a photo.
There are many ways to interp this.
Glad she's yours (not mine) Dave.
Clever write.

Dave · Post by **Dave** » Thu Mar 22, 2018 4:13 am

Thanks one and all. It had not been my intention to obscure the meaning but realise from your comments that I had. I have tried to provide clarification.
Dave

Tim J Brennan · Post by **Tim J Brennan** » Thu Mar 22, 2018 10:27 am

Just my take but no reason to write an alternative except for the apostrophe usage on Maria's to Marias'....

That edit made all the difference for me.

Post by **indar** » Thu Mar 22, 2018 10:53 am

https://www.mamalisa.com/blog/names-for ... the-world/

OK--got it.

Ran across some interesting facts in the process. Prayers to Our Lady to save the crops being chewed up by pest bugs were answered with the ladybug for instance

Matty11 · Post by **Matty11** » Fri Mar 23, 2018 1:28 am

Under the window sill
a nest of our ladies.
I count their spots for luck.
Our summer has long gone.

A more stressed longer line to conclude to dwell on loss and coalesce a wider narrative. Either way enjoyed.

best

Matty

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