At Window

[Tim J Brennan]

V1

She is there one recent early evening.
You walked for two hours and she was still posed

as if suspended: glassy-stare, bottom lip
trembling, a light behind her, almost biased.

You wish you could have erased the distance,
you might have conversed

about an impending death, a recent violence,
anything causing her distress—

how you were really so much alike—
both worlds equally askew.


V2

She is there at the beginning;
you walk for two hours and she is still

posed; suspended, light behind her,
dimly biased.

You wish you could erase the distance,
you might converse

about an impending death, a recent violence,
anything causing her distress—

how you are really so much alike—
both worlds equally askew.

[Tracy Mitchell]

The ending takes me by surprise.  The poem is about a woman in a window seen by ‘you’ on evening walks.  ‘You’ ruminate over her perceived distraught sadness, her  ‘seeming’ tears.  ‘You’ speculate about the cause – an impending death, a recent violence – and construct for her an imagined major life crisis of some type.  When the last stanza equates the life situation of 'you' with that of the woman in imagined crisis, then we realize it is the ‘you’ who is in life crisis. 

Artful, Tim.

Cheers.

T 

[Mark]

An observational piece - there is no interaction - that is well-handled, delicate but cross-hatched with scene detail and internal reflection, finding whimsicality in the ordinary. The POV employed creates detachment but that works with the emotional and physical barriers in the piece. Title seems a bit crude but does serve as exposition. 

[Colm Roe]

Another excellent (and clever) poem. 
Loved it all, except 'bottom lip trembling', this snagged for me.
Thanks for sharing.
 

[Tim J Brennan]

The ending takes me by surprise.  The poem is about a woman in a window seen by ‘you’ on evening walks.  ‘You’ ruminate over her perceived distraught sadness, her  ‘seeming’ tears.  ‘You’ speculate about the cause – an impending death, a recent violence – and construct for her an imagined major life crisis of some type.  When the last stanza equates the life situation of 'you' with that of the woman in imagined crisis, then we realize it is the ‘you’ who is in life crisis. 

Artful, Tim.

Cheers.

T 

I love to imagine other people's lives. Helps me write meplays, Tracy. Thanks.
 

[Tim J Brennan]

An observational piece - there is no interaction - that is well-handled, delicate but cross-hatched with scene detail and internal reflection, finding whimsicality in the ordinary. The POV employed creates detachment but that works with the emotional and physical barriers in the piece. Title seems a bit crude but does serve as exposition. 

Am sometimes at a loss about titles, Mark. I need to call it something and "Untitled" always bugs me.  Thanks.

[Tim J Brennan]

Another excellent (and clever) poem. 
Loved it all, except 'bottom lip trembling', this snagged for me.
Thanks for sharing.
 

Like "clever"...thank you.  Will take a hard look at the "Lip" image. Thanks for pointing out the cliche. 

[Tracy Mitchell]

The ending takes me by surprise.  The poem is about a woman in a window seen by ‘you’ on evening walks.  ‘You’ ruminate over her perceived distraught sadness, her  ‘seeming’ tears.  ‘You’ speculate about the cause – an impending death, a recent violence – and construct for her an imagined major life crisis of some type.  When the last stanza equates the life situation of 'you' with that of the woman in imagined crisis, then we realize it is the ‘you’ who is in life crisis. 

Artful, Tim.

Cheers.

T 

I love to imagine other people's lives. Helps me write meplays, Tracy. Thanks.
  

You write plays -- why does that not surprise me? 
I knew you directed so I could have put it together. 

[lshmael]

The style is a bit realist for my taste. However, I think you captured the narrators desire for connection with skill. The last 2 lines are very well done. I wonder if it would be better without the first 4 lines.

[Tim J Brennan]

The ending takes me by surprise.  The poem is about a woman in a window seen by ‘you’ on evening walks.  ‘You’ ruminate over her perceived distraught sadness, her  ‘seeming’ tears.  ‘You’ speculate about the cause – an impending death, a recent violence – and construct for her an imagined major life crisis of some type.  When the last stanza equates the life situation of 'you' with that of the woman in imagined crisis, then we realize it is the ‘you’ who is in life crisis. 

Artful, Tim.

Cheers.

T 

I love to imagine other people's lives. Helps me write meplays, Tracy. Thanks. 

You write plays -- why does that not surprise me? 
I knew you directed so I could have put it together.  

I write them more than direct them, Tracy.  Was just out to Taos NM to watch one of my one acts. It was a blast. Flew into Denver and drove to Taos. Lovely trip.