Magician's Code

[Matty11]

The Magic Man
he fell down,
but only after I dropped the glass,
the glass
I didn't know I was holding.

That was my favourite section: levels of consciousness, responsibility, dependency.

A magic man with exotic leathers,
Colors: brown, black,
and those you didn't know existed.

i don't think brown/black evoke a sense of the exotic. How can a reader imagine L3? The use of exotic has been used to rhyme with magic and existed to sound play with exotic.

cheers

matty

[Ike]

Colm,

I really am, truly, appreciative of your response. I've been here for a while and I've heard constructivism, criticism, and just general distaste, all of which are beneficial. It's a learning process. That's why most of my works are experimental (to some capacity), nonetheless I welcome feedback always.

"...accept advice, but never let it distort your voice."- Thanks for that one, it's huge. Just as well, don't forget your own advice. This isn't based one anything in particular, I just think people lose their voice along the way sometimes. Sort of like Paulo Coehlo's "The Alchemist" (worth a read if you haven't) 

Thank again,
Ike 

[Ike]

Hi matty,

Thanks for the reply! You have some really good points, Brown/black mixed with the "exotic" was weak, although intended as irony. There's a little more to this than meets the eye, but there's also probably a little less   It's not very well done. But if i decide to redo I'll definitely keep what you had to say in mind!
Best,

Ike

[NM Oliver]

Hello Ike
I kind of liked the ending but the rest of it i found difficult to understand.
The colours in the first stanza did not have any relevance for me.
I can see in the thread a lot of this has been covered but thought id speak up all the same.