Missed signals

[Colm Roe]

We communicated staccato,
words close enough to touch, but
still severed by the gaps,   
minutiae over time 
tumbled into avalanches.
 
Occasional Spring melts,
just evaporations
misting vague semaphore. 

We climbed uncoordinated
across that valley,
we might have faced each other often,
sent braille offerings
stamped on dust.

Echoes, traces, now drop and layer
cold remnants
on our pyre.

[Tim J Brennan]

"close enough to touch / ...severed by gaps"

Trying to picture this, Colm. Having a hard time.

"...braille offerings / stamped on dust"

Nice.

On a whole, a bit abstract for me. But maybe that's the point (Title). Something...anything to pull me in a bit closer (e.g. a name, a location, an instance).

[Colm Roe]

"close enough to touch / ...severed by gaps"

Trying to picture this, Colm. Having a hard time.


On a whole, a bit abstract for me. But maybe that's the point (Title). Something...anything to pull me in a bit closer (e.g. a name, a location, an instance).

'words close enough to touch, severed etc.' are about the way we use words, and how we can hold back saying what we really want to say to our SO. Especially as we age. We lose touch (sever) by not saying everything we want to say. I know many couples who love each other but have slowly separated by not filling in the gaps. A gap can be a small word; I tell my wife I love her often enough...but 'I really love you' is used less often. Omitting 'really', and simple things like that create the gaps. Over time those small omissions slowly direct their relationship.
Anywho, thanks for the comments, glad you liked my favourite lines 
I'm struggling with edits before posting, and probably posted this prematurely to shoo some of the tumbleweeds that are currently filling the boards here.


 

[Matty11]

hi Colm,

I like those highlighted lines too. The poem certainly becomes more with the explanation. How to foreground the meaning, become more transparent, perhaps Omissions could be a title? Opening line personalised for immediacy...Today I realised...maybe not

cheers

matty

[lynn1]

for me when someone writes such an personal poem, it;s hard for me to break in.  I almost feel i am intruding.  I don't know if you can take the you and me poem and makes it into a more universal one.  maybe change we to they.  Lynn

[Colm Roe]

"close enough to touch / ...severed by gaps"

Trying to picture this, Colm. Having a hard time.

"...braille offerings / stamped on dust"

Nice.

On a whole, a bit abstract for me. But maybe that's the point (Title). Something...anything to pull me in a bit closer (e.g. a name, a location, an instance).

It's not site specific Tim, just a general observation.
Glad you liked my fave lines anyway. 
 

[Colm Roe]

hi Colm,

I like those highlighted lines too. The poem certainly becomes more with the explanation. How to foreground the meaning, become more transparent, perhaps Omissions could be a title? Opening line personalised for immediacy...Today I realised...maybe not

cheers

matty

Thanks M, this is happening too often with my poems; confusion, where I'm convinced clarity exists 

 

[Colm Roe]

for me when someone writes such an personal poem, it;s hard for me to break in.  I almost feel i am intruding.  I don't know if you can take the you and me poem and makes it into a more universal one.  maybe change we to they.  Lynn

Hi Lynn,
A poem IS an invitation to 'intrude'. And a poem isn't necessarily autobiographical. 
So jump in and enjoy what you can 

[Dave]

Hi Colm
The poem is acessible and vivid but as pointed out by others stays way to distant to the subject to be really engaging. Each stanza has merit but for my taste there too many variations on the theme: avalances, mist, semaphore, braille, dust, a gap, a valley and so on. It makes for a bumpy read

[Colm Roe]

Thanks Dave.
Once again we'll agree to disagree 
I still think it's neatly contained, the variations (mountains/communication) are all related!
But it is loaded with metaphor...I think that's the problem; there's no connect with actual people.
Anywho, I always appreciate your comments.