Sincere Apathy

[Tim J Brennan]

—the backyard trip light comes on
at three am and I part the curtain
like the Wizard of Oz; the mother

has her brood of kittens on our deck,
pawing one, batting another beneath
a clean looking moon; she moved

under the cedar a few days ago, heavy,
a reminder of the strength and pain
of childbearing under difficult circumstances

and now the young are everywhere
all-at-once, whiskers here, mewling
there, all shivering like tiny chills.

My wife tells me they must be evicted,
please talk to neighbor Mike with the live trap;
I say —Yes, dear—me, the good husband

for not telling her Mike will surely shoot them
discreetly one at time with his .22 pistol
when he takes them to the country

saving them from a life of disapproval
and dysfunction—

[Colm Roe]

The 'Wizard of Oz' reference cleverly ties in well with the last S. 
After reading it I was sorry not to read one more link (i.e. yellow brick road) near the end.
Overall it's a good read, fluently written and honest.

They are a problem (of our making). Being a sucker for fluffy creatures and someone who has caught
and homed a few ferals I would have liked a totally different end.

Here's a link to our latest one. He, The Magnificent Mr. Mew,
was a few months old by the time I trapped him so he should have been beyond taming. The video was taken only a few months after 
we got him...so prepare to meet the Beast!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDyvvNFPZxQ

[NM Oliver]

—the backyard trip light comes on
at three am and I part the curtain
like the Wizard of Oz; the mother

has her brood of kittens on our deck,
pawing one, batting another beneath
a clean looking moon; she moved

under the cedar a few days ago, heavy,
a reminder of the strength and pain
of childbearing under difficult circumstances

and now the young are everywhere
all-at-once, whiskers here, mewling
there, all shivering like tiny chills.

My wife tells me they must be evicted,
please talk to neighbor Mike with the live trap;
I say —Yes, dear—me, the good husband

for not telling her Mike will surely shoot them
discreetly one at time with his .22 pistol
when he takes them to the country

saving them from a life of disapproval
and dysfunction—

Hi Tim

this is great throughout. 
Really like the opening and enjoyed this scene:
and now the young are everywhere
all-at-once, whiskers here, mewling
there, all shivering like tiny chills.

Last 3 stanza's are very good too, the harsh reality of the situation.

I wondered how discreet you could be shooting something?

Enjoyed very much.

 




 

[Tracy Mitchell]

Love the poem!

Hate the title. It is too divertive, shake-n-bake, while the poem is rapid, genuine, direct.  Maybe just me.

Please cut "under the circumstances".  Or not - your call, obviously.

And please consider cutting the last two lines.  They are too explanatory in my view, and the poem concludes brilliantly when he takes them to the country.  

Just my thoughts to use or loose.  

I really like the inclusiveness of the story -- how it is a microcosm of life, what we encounter, how we interact, what is required of us, the choices we have to make.  Awesome stuff in a nutshell.  

Wonderful poeming, Tim

T

[Tim J Brennan]

The 'Wizard of Oz' reference cleverly ties in well with the last S. 
After reading it I was sorry not to read one more link (i.e. yellow brick road) near the end.
Overall it's a good read, fluently written and honest.

They are a problem (of our making). Being a sucker for fluffy creatures and someone who has caught
and homed a few ferals I would have liked a totally different end.

Here's a link to our latest one. He, The Magnificent Mr. Mew,
was a few months old by the time I trapped him so he should have been beyond taming. The video was taken only a few months after 
we got him...so prepare to meet the Beast!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDyvvNFPZxQ

I don't dislike animals, Colm...had many pets when I was a kid. My sister used to bring cats home like candy from a parade. Yours is indeed a beast.

Thanks for the comments. Appreciate it.

[Tim J Brennan]

@ NM,

...I live in a smaller community. The country is pretty much less than a mile away. Ridding the world of a few down on their luck cats is beyond discreet. The local Humane Society is overflowing w/people who try and do the right thing.

Thanks for the comments about the poem. I'm a "literalist" at times and never sure if too much is too much. I like some of Tracy's suggestions to edit and may come back w/a slimmer model.

[Tim J Brennan]

Love the poem!

Hate the title. It is too divertive, shake-n-bake, while the poem is rapid, genuine, direct.  Maybe just me.

Please cut "under the circumstances".  Or not - your call, obviously.

And please consider cutting the last two lines.  They are too explanatory in my view, and the poem concludes brilliantly when he takes them to the country.  

Just my thoughts to use or loose.  

I really like the inclusiveness of the story -- how it is a microcosm of life, what we encounter, how we interact, what is required of us, the choices we have to make.  Awesome stuff in a nutshell.  

Wonderful poeming, Tim

T

"Hate" pretty strong word, Tracy

I'm also laughing b/c I already cut the last two lines of my original post and now I need to cut the remaining last two lines. Although you may be right. Will strongly consider. Thanks for the critique.

[Dave]

Hi Tim
A very well written poem to your usual high standards. The actual story disapointed a bit because came too obviously and maybe because it is territory i recognise from others .
Your comments to Tom re ridding a few cats down on their luck is a poem in itself and a pretty good comment of human hybris

[Mark]

I liked the title before I read the piece. It's a smooth and engaging read. I would just look at L3 S3 which seems a little clunky.

[Tim J Brennan]

Hi Tim
A very well written poem to your usual high standards. The actual story disapointed a bit because came too obviously and maybe because it is territory i recognise from others .
Your comments to Tom re ridding a few cats down on their luck is a poem in itself and a pretty good comment of human hybris

Sorry to disappoint, Dave w/the obvious. Glad you like the comment to NM.

Also, sorry, but who is Tom?