Flightless

[Matty11]

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[indar]

Hi Phil,

I'm so glad I thought to look outside the NaPo thread and so sorry you didn't join us this year. I love your poem. I love crows. They are both magnificent and humorous. And, yes, it seems many are noticing the business being carried on by our fellow earth travelors now that we are getting our noses pressed to the glass.

[Matty11]

Thanks for taking time from the NaPo Linda. Yes, crows are survivors and our noses pressed to the glass neatly reflects the perspective change!

cheers

Phil

[Dave]

I too love the crows and indeed now the lovely audible birdsong. Everything in the poem works for me except perhaps for two elements:
funeral feathered is a lovely phrase but the image is very close to cliche and does not reflect the general tone of the poem or ideas expressed therein about the crows
and
I don't get the phrasing of this, specifically the use of the word that or is it the apostrophe - I don't know. Maybe it's me. Ah, while reading now, I am closer - their cough is their squabble - sorry still find this awkward to read.
Like a fevered cough
that couple's squabble:

The rest is fine writing
 

[Matty11]

Thanks Dave.

Like a fevered cough
that couple's squabble

I've had some trouble with that. Edited a tad.

funeral feathered is a lovely phrase but the image is very close to cliche and does not reflect the general tone of the poem or ideas expressed therein about the crows

One of the intentions of the poem was to ditch the negative perceptions, say of crows/black and reference points to the coronavirus, and see the positives - the nesting crows promise as much as cherry blossom.

best

Phil

[Dave]

Totally agree. They certainly liven up life in my garden
 

[Colm Roe]

Love this Phil, apols for the delay in responding.
I prefer the original:
to gather sticks. Like a fevered cough
that couple's squabble, or maybe not:
the hushed traffic colours so much.

I didn't have a problem understanding what this meant.
It might read clearer like this:
to gather sticks, like
a fevered cough that couple's squabble,
or maybe not:
the hushed traffic colours so much.

Either way, I enjoyed the read.

[Matty11]

Thanks Colm. Pleased you enjoyed and thank you for those edit options. Perhaps I should have stuck with the original, which was fine with me, but it has been accepted by a publication in the revised version.

all the best

Phil

[Colm Roe]

Congrats on the publication Phil

[indar]

Congratulations from me as well