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Farewell

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Mark
Posts: 376
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 11:19 am

Farewell

Post by Mark » Fri Jul 17, 2020 12:42 am

.


   Dirty humanity then marched past all natural freedoms,

  bade a silent farewell to dignity. Inside the Collective’s
 razor wire and railway docks, paper apes faded away
in tower blocks of taboo, privacy as sinister as roses
.
  

l ¯ ¯ ¯ ¯ ¯ l  As a digitised generation expired
l                l  in lies weaponised as a history
l                l  of threaded webs embedded
l _ _ _ _ _ l  in newly-dead social media,
the slow suffocation of credit and work
was tyranny grinning in a plastic suit,
and stone fascist corporations shed
no tears as the bees disappeared.



 

Dave
Posts: 880
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 4:07 pm

Re: Farewell

Post by Dave » Sat Jul 18, 2020 9:44 am

The format is interesting and the poem well written. The content dealing with modern issues is nevertheless peculiarly old-fashioned in a way since these are things that have been said since the beginning of history, just the components are different. We shall see, we shall see.
Dave 

Matty11
Posts: 510
Joined: Fri Jan 12, 2018 2:58 am

Re: Farewell

Post by Matty11 » Sun Jul 26, 2020 3:53 am

Is S1 a quote Mark?

I like the sonic thread of dirty/dignity/digitised/dead

privacy as sinister as roses. - struggling with the image, though like the challenge,
something to do with thorns/beauty/individuality?

tyranny grinning in a plastic suit - like that one, but I don't feel the fascist line adds more

cheers

Phil

indar
Posts: 1756
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:00 pm

Re: Farewell

Post by indar » Mon Jul 27, 2020 8:16 pm

What a sense of leave-taking and loss to this one, heightened by the actual loss of life as we know it just now. 

I have read it several times, tried to determine what I think of the empty box (even the outline is dotted and uncertain) and yes some restated concerns such as "the collective" which brings to mind one of the old star trek themes of drones in a hive which is ironic in light of the disappearing bees.

I too caught on the sinister roses---perhaps a sweet overlay that belies something poisonous? 

Interesting read that I will continue to mull over

poet-e
Posts: 247
Joined: Wed Jun 19, 2019 9:10 pm

Re: Farewell

Post by poet-e » Mon Aug 03, 2020 6:14 pm

Great rhythm.

A teacher said I try to hard to say stuff in my poems, i.e., I make it too political, punchy.  Feel that way about this one.

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