It's Just Laundry

[Jameson Stone]

It's Just Laundry


The switches, buttons, and that dial
Do nothing, they've been like that awhile
This old Maytag has sure seen better days
The dryer too, or so the repairman says

Taking all of our laundry out the door
To the laundromat- it's the laundry store!
There are stuffy smells of scented soaps
Fabric softeners and people with high hopes

Loading machines, shoving in quarters
Pulling from dryers, clothing sorters
We load outerwear, towels and sheets
Underwear, blankets, socks, and cleats

Standing close, your hands brushing mine
As we sort and fill the washer's soapy brine
Sitting together afterwards, watching it spin
In time, coming clean of all dirt, food, and sin.

Next- to the dryer to watch it all tumble.
Round and round it goes, I hear you mumble.
Kissing your lips against the folding table,
Laughing all the while at some laundry fable.

I hold up your sexy lingerie within full view.
You give a small squeak from my teasing you.
We talk and speak and laugh in those short hours,
My mind drifts to memories of your hair in flowers

The laundry is all clean and folded with care.
Taking it to the car, loving the time we share,
We'll stop in for coffee on the way home,
Extending the day with more places to roam.

[indar]

Hi Jameson,

I love the idea of a couple being so entertained by their time in the laundromat. This is a very sweet poem. Generally contemporary poets no longer use the kind of rhythm and end-rhyme poetry you have posted here. But there are a few instances where it works and this might be one of them. I will be interested to see if you treat all of your writing the same way no matter the gravity or whatever you write about. But for now---I enjoyed this one.

[Jameson Stone]

Hi Jameson,

I love the idea of a couple being so entertained by their time in the laundromat. This is a very sweet poem. Generally contemporary poets no longer use the kind of rhythm and end-rhyme poetry you have posted here. But there are a few instances where it works and this might be one of them. I will be interested to see if you treat all of your writing the same way no matter the gravity or whatever you write about. But for now---I enjoyed this one.

Hi Linda,

I think you found the essence of this poem. While I rarely do rhyme, most of my creations, like this one, are often about capturing an emotion or evoking a mood.

This one, to me, is light, airy, fun, innocent, intimate. Rhyme seemed perfect to go with it. I'm glad you enjoyed.

Thank you for the feedback.

Jameson

[Mark]

Nice enough writing. Although not metered, there is sufficient cadence in the lines to support the end-rhyme structure. As you say, the content lends itself to bouncing along, and some poems claim their own manifestation.  

[Amie]

This is fun, and I like it, but I actually think the meter needs some work. I hit quite a few jags and stumbles that detracted from the light, easy style.

It may be that you have different inflexion in your speaking than I do. But on reading aloud, there were quite a few spots where I wanted to smooth the meter.

[Gyppo]

Thoroughly enjoyable and well suited to rhyme.

But, when read aloud, as others have suggested, there are a few little stumbles

It's always worth reading your own work aloud once you're fairly happy with it.  If you're shy do it with the door shut, or at the far end of the garden, or alone in the car when stationary, but don't do it quietly or apologetically.  that won't really open the doors for you.  Treat yourself to an imaginary and sympathetic audience and make it a performance, not just a recitation.  Wave your arms if you want to.  Act it out a bit if you feel the urge.

This may feel very strange if you're normally reserved, but give it a chance for your own sake.

The human voice will lay bare any little stumbles and seize gladly on changes of tempo or emphasis which you may not have seen on the page.

It can be a truly liberating experience and you'll feel your own voice change with happy recognition at the passages which make you smile.   And vice versa on sombre sections.

To use metaphor similar to your joyful laundry experience, reading it aloud it will sometimes feel like that special unplanned moment when a couple's hands meet at the foot of the bed as they're tucking in their newborn baby.  It's never going to feel quite as special again, so soak up the feelings.

May I now point out a few places where it stumbled for me, and suggest alternatives?  This isn't in any way a rewrite, which I would consider a liberty, just a few examples.

=====

'Standing close, your hands brushing mine
As we sort and fill the washer's soapy brine...'

It feels as if there's one word too many.  If you lose the 'washer', which is well established by now,it flows better.

Alternatively, lose 'sort and' for the same smoothing effect.

But if it feels wrong to you, because we all speak differently, then feel free to ignore the idea.  (I promise I will not be offended because the last thing I want to do is create a Gyppo clone.)

=====

'The laundry is all clean and folded with care.'

You really don't need the 'all'.

And maybe use 'our' laundry instead, it ties in well with the unexpected discovery of intimacy in such an otherwise routine act.

Best wishes,

Gyppo
 

[Colm Roe]

Not a big rhyme fan...but I liked this a lot.
Some nice observations.

[NicoleMichaels]

Very original and well-conceived! I use a public laundromat at this time and there is no romance in it for me but this is fresh. Great job.