After winter language fails
or falls behind and is unable
to keep up, put people into
a position to want outside again;
like when cities are populated
with orchards and voices
and all the songs begin
in the key of spring. Let them
feel the water sway clean,
allow steel grey clouds to drift
off their skin, play forest or mountain.
Tell them to escape the holes,
stand in daylight, and let the sun
fall into place and follow them
to another voyage of summer bliss.
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Key of Spring
Re: Key of Spring
A very good poem that breathes new life into a dull subject
Re: Key of Spring
like when cities are populated
with orchards and voices
Stand out line here--orchards and voices is exactly right. There is so much to love in this poem.
allow steel grey clouds to drift
off their skin,
I visualize the city buildings sluffing off winter in a rising steam of gray clouds.
Let them
feel the water sway clean,
To my reading the "them" of this statement needs identification such as:
Let those who wander amidst the bower of buildings"
Love this poem--love the similies--spring transforming the city to a natural forested blooming wonderful awakening
with orchards and voices
Stand out line here--orchards and voices is exactly right. There is so much to love in this poem.
allow steel grey clouds to drift
off their skin,
I visualize the city buildings sluffing off winter in a rising steam of gray clouds.
Let them
feel the water sway clean,
To my reading the "them" of this statement needs identification such as:
Let those who wander amidst the bower of buildings"
Love this poem--love the similies--spring transforming the city to a natural forested blooming wonderful awakening
- Tracy Mitchell
- Posts: 3451
- Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:58 pm
Re: Key of Spring
I agree with Indar's comments and appreciate as well the lines she has highlighted.
Cheers.
T
Cheers.
T
Re: Key of Spring
Thank you, Indar.indar wrote: ↑Sat Mar 23, 2019 8:43 amlike when cities are populated
with orchards and voices
Stand out line here--orchards and voices is exactly right. There is so much to love in this poem.
allow steel grey clouds to driftoff their skin,
I visualize the city buildings sluffing off winter in a rising steam of gray clouds.
Let themfeel the water sway clean,
To my reading the "them" of this statement needs identification such as:
Let those who wander amidst the bower of buildings"
Love this poem--love the similies--spring transforming the city to a natural forested blooming wonderful awakening
The poem is (you) understood subject. One is free to interject "who" (POV) the subject is meant to be. Same could be said for "them"-- in this way, if the reader so chooses to make it a "God" poem, the them is easily interpreted. I do see your point though. I need to evaluate this and decide, as the writer, whether I want to "lead" the reader by their nose or let them think for themselves. Always a dilemma.
Thank you so much for your positive reaction.
by George
Re: Key of Spring
Tracy Mitchell wrote: ↑Sat Mar 23, 2019 9:45 amI agree with Indar's comments and appreciate as well the lines she has highlighted.
Cheers.
T
Thank you.
by George
Re: Key of Spring
Love the poem. Love spring is never dull. Poems about seasons very often are. This one not which is to its credit. Imho