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starving the breath

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Dave
Posts: 1991
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:07 am

starving the breath

Post by Dave » Wed May 15, 2019 7:24 am

Spokes in the wheel spin,
she squeals, a blur of arms
and silk, head back, mouth
starving the breath of name:
captured in the picture

I now hold - time’s blank
voiceless charade, a scene
I can mime like a cheap actor
who draws shapes and echos
from a glaze of chemicals.
Last edited by Dave on Fri Nov 15, 2019 6:49 am, edited 1 time in total.

indar
Posts: 2908
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 8:00 am

Re: starving the breath

Post by indar » Wed May 15, 2019 8:45 am

I can mime like a cheap actor
who draws shapes and echos

from a glaze of chemicals.

This almost took my breath away Dave. What an eloquent statement of the power of image. Beyond that the distance between the physical make-up of the object and the reality it represents to the N kind of points out the reality of the religious object, the power of symbol. I love it of course.

Spokes in the wheel spins,

Is the above grammatically correct? Should it be "spokes spin"?

Dave
Posts: 1991
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:07 am

Re: starving the breath

Post by Dave » Wed May 15, 2019 10:09 am

Thanks Indar. Yes of course it is a typing/Grammar error.
Photos are funny aren't they?

indar
Posts: 2908
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 8:00 am

Re: starving the breath

Post by indar » Sun May 19, 2019 8:56 am

Photos are funny aren't they?

Yes. Maybe they are what really separates us from other species in the animal kingdom.


 

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Tracy Mitchell
Posts: 3179
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:58 pm

Re: starving the breath

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Thu Jun 20, 2019 3:52 pm

Thought provoking!  In a good way.  

One small nit to pick – in Line 1 “spins” should be “spin”.  The subject is “spokes” and spokes spin.

This appears to be a snippet recollection by the Speaker as s/he looks at a photo.  S.1 describes what he sees in the photo and S.2 describes his reaction – regret for sure, perhaps a bit of bitterness, if only for the passage of time.

Thanks for posting.

Cheers.

T

 

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