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Late Tomatoes
- Tracy Mitchell
- Posts: 3451
- Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:58 pm
Late Tomatoes
~
Late Tomatoes
Of late in garden’s far corner
patient in rows and lines on stems
hundreds of late summer’s tomatoes
hard working buggers all. Now
still green when fall’s first freeze
shuts down life’s flow – no more
wicking through stalks the nectar
of life, no more heat from the sun.
We wait for the quiet gardener
to pick us from the vine and
spread us out somewhere warm
to ripen in our own good time
or in his.
~
Late Tomatoes
Of late in garden’s far corner
patient in rows and lines on stems
hundreds of late summer’s tomatoes
hard working buggers all. Now
still green when fall’s first freeze
shuts down life’s flow – no more
wicking through stalks the nectar
of life, no more heat from the sun.
We wait for the quiet gardener
to pick us from the vine and
spread us out somewhere warm
to ripen in our own good time
or in his.
~
Re: Late Tomatoes
Very much enjoyed this Tracy. Particularly the tone and perspective.
best
Phil
best
Phil
Re: Late Tomatoes
spread us out somewhere warm
Something more specific perhaps, such as:
line us up on window sills
That's what I do with mine.
Gardening seems to be a theme here. I think there is a reason. I like the cared-for, late-comer tomato perspective. Some plants know when to quit.
- Tracy Mitchell
- Posts: 3451
- Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:58 pm
Re: Late Tomatoes
Thanks for the comments, Phil.
Indar - you found the weak line. Window sill is an upgrade. With my green tomatoes, I spread them on brown paper (from bags) and scatter a few bananas amongst. But that is not so poetic.
T
Indar - you found the weak line. Window sill is an upgrade. With my green tomatoes, I spread them on brown paper (from bags) and scatter a few bananas amongst. But that is not so poetic.
T
Re: Late Tomatoes
You know what I always say: poetry is truth but not always fact. If you don't like what you do to your tomatoes, make something up.
- Tracy Mitchell
- Posts: 3451
- Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:58 pm
Re: Late Tomatoes
You are right, of course.
Re: Late Tomatoes
Hi Tracy
I am just wondering if the perspective from teh last stabza could be maintained all the way through. I was a Little perplex by the change - or have I misunderstood something. I also wonder if some cuts or alterations might be made:
Of late
in garden’s far corner
patient on stems
hundreds of late summer tomatoes
hardworking hard buggers all. (Does patient clash with hardworking since the former sounds passive and the latter active?)
Still green when fall’s first freeze
shuts down life’s flow – no more
wicking through stalks the nectar
of life, no more heat from the sun (is this not evident from freezing?).
We wait for the gardener
to pick us from the vine and
spread us out to ripen
in our own good time
or in his.
Just a thought
I am just wondering if the perspective from teh last stabza could be maintained all the way through. I was a Little perplex by the change - or have I misunderstood something. I also wonder if some cuts or alterations might be made:
Of late
in garden’s far corner
patient on stems
hundreds of late summer tomatoes
hardworking hard buggers all. (Does patient clash with hardworking since the former sounds passive and the latter active?)
Still green when fall’s first freeze
shuts down life’s flow – no more
wicking through stalks the nectar
of life, no more heat from the sun (is this not evident from freezing?).
We wait for the gardener
to pick us from the vine and
spread us out to ripen
in our own good time
or in his.
Just a thought
- Tracy Mitchell
- Posts: 3451
- Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:58 pm
Re: Late Tomatoes
Good thoughts, Dave. Thanks for sharing.
Your edits are good, especially S.1
Revision is in the works.
Cheers.
T
Your edits are good, especially S.1
Revision is in the works.
Cheers.
T
Re: Late Tomatoes
Love "hard working buggers all."
Felt sad at
"still green when fall’s first freeze
shuts down life’s flow – no more"
Nice twist at the end, but agree w/ Dave. S.1-2 address them in 3rd person, so S.3's 1st POV comes out of nowhere.
Perhaps S.1-2 can be gardener's pov, then shift pov?
Felt sad at
"still green when fall’s first freeze
shuts down life’s flow – no more"
Nice twist at the end, but agree w/ Dave. S.1-2 address them in 3rd person, so S.3's 1st POV comes out of nowhere.
Perhaps S.1-2 can be gardener's pov, then shift pov?