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For My Mother

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HLemma
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For My Mother

Post by HLemma » Sat Mar 09, 2019 4:23 pm

There is no such thing
as loving her now.
 
She was more than
mere flesh animated by a soul,

a soul hovering now in some glorious vault,
unaware of me,

her oxidized flesh
in a pewter vessel

upstairs in the old bedroom
my disabled father can no longer reach

any more than I can reach
what cannot be again.

My love did not die with her -
it became vagrant,

finding no solace
in amulets and anecdotes,

no rest
in dead things, in non things,

no reply
as it shrieks into the void,

What are you?
What am I?

indar
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Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:00 pm

Re: For My Mother

Post by indar » Sat Mar 09, 2019 5:07 pm

Fabulous writing HL and especially poignant to me just now as my mother who will be 102 this coming Monday fell yesterday and broke her thin bones. She is in Hospice. 

I hesitate to critique anything here as it is so heartfelt and personal but I found the ending a bit of a disappointment in relation to the rest of the poem. I found the idea of love shrieking difficult to wrap my head around. I can't say why so I must question my own reaction. 

On the whole a relatable and meaningful poem.

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HLemma
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Re: For My Mother

Post by HLemma » Sat Mar 09, 2019 5:17 pm

indar wrote:
Sat Mar 09, 2019 5:07 pm
Fabulous writing HL and especially poignant to me just now as my mother who will be 102 this coming Monday fell yesterday and broke her thin bones. She is in Hospice. 

I hesitate to critique anything here as it is so heartfelt and personal but I found the ending a bit of a disappointment in relation to the rest of the poem. I found the idea of love shrieking difficult to wrap my head around. I can't say why so I must question my own reaction. 

On the whole a relatable and meaningful poem.
Thank you. I can't detach myself from this poem like I do with most others I write. I'm sure that has affected the style. 
 

binx
Posts: 59
Joined: Mon Mar 04, 2019 1:06 am

Re: For My Mother

Post by binx » Sun Mar 10, 2019 12:43 am

Hi, H 

Fine poem here. Father poems usually ripping-and-tearing at each other. A mother...well, hard not to be a bit maudlin. Love the "vagrant" image.

by George  

 

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Tracy Mitchell
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Re: For My Mother

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Fri Mar 15, 2019 9:22 pm

I really like this poem. It gets to the heart of the matter without undue sentimentality. It speaks as an adult. My favorite lines are these:

any more than I can reach
what cannot be again.

My love did not die with her -
it became vagrant,


Wonderful writing.

The word "shrieks" struck me as well, but I am not sure it should be removed or replaced. It stands out in tone, and the abruptness and relative violence are unforeshadowed. Not sure what else to say about it.

This is a rich and subtle poem.

T

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