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Jennifer, Not Here

General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
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binx
Posts: 28
Joined: Mon Mar 04, 2019 1:06 am

Jennifer, Not Here

Post by binx » Wed Mar 13, 2019 3:13 pm

Daughter I never had,
tugging my arm-sleeve 
hanging heavy as an anchor
rooted to the tip of my tongue. 

I toss restlessly in half
sleep, a boat captain
throwing a lifeline, towing
you gently through my dreams.


by George

indar
Posts: 814
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:00 pm

Re: Jennifer, Not Here

Post by indar » Thu Mar 14, 2019 3:49 pm

Oh Binx,

what a beautiful poem--all I can say is: I love it.

Dave
Posts: 444
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 4:07 pm

Re: Jennifer, Not Here

Post by Dave » Thu Mar 14, 2019 8:41 pm

It has taken quite a few reads to really enter into the world of the poem but i am getting there. Is there any advantage poetically to calling a sleeve an arm- sleeve, which i admit is an expression i have never heard.

binx
Posts: 28
Joined: Mon Mar 04, 2019 1:06 am

Re: Jennifer, Not Here

Post by binx » Fri Mar 15, 2019 7:36 pm

indar wrote:
Thu Mar 14, 2019 3:49 pm
Oh Binx,

what a beautiful poem--all I can say is: I love it.

Call me GEORGE, Indar.  Thank you. 

 

binx
Posts: 28
Joined: Mon Mar 04, 2019 1:06 am

Re: Jennifer, Not Here

Post by binx » Fri Mar 15, 2019 7:38 pm

Dave wrote:
Thu Mar 14, 2019 8:41 pm
It has taken quite a few reads to really enter into the world of the poem but i am getting there. Is there any advantage poetically to calling a sleeve an arm- sleeve, which i admit is an expression i have never heard.

Am glad you entered, Dave. Stay awhile.  Arm-sleeve is more common than you think.

by George 
Last edited by binx on Sat Mar 16, 2019 2:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Tracy Mitchell
Posts: 713
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 10:58 pm

Re: Jennifer, Not Here

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Fri Mar 15, 2019 9:53 pm

This is wonderful, George. Beautiful.

T

binx
Posts: 28
Joined: Mon Mar 04, 2019 1:06 am

Re: Jennifer, Not Here

Post by binx » Sat Mar 16, 2019 2:51 pm

Tracy Mitchell wrote:
Fri Mar 15, 2019 9:53 pm
This is wonderful, George. Beautiful.

T

Thank you, Tracy.

by George

Matty11
Posts: 321
Joined: Fri Jan 12, 2018 2:58 am

Re: Jennifer, Not Here

Post by Matty11 » Sun Mar 17, 2019 5:36 am

Enjoyed this George. Inventive (especially L4). The line break in L5 rather snaps the line, though I presume the intention was to reflect the sense of 'half'. If the latter, the device feels contrived in such a heart-felt write.

best

Phil
binx wrote:
Wed Mar 13, 2019 3:13 pm
Daughter I never had,
tugging my arm-sleeve 
hanging heavy as an anchor
rooted to the tip of my tongue. 

I toss restlessly in half
sleep, a boat captain
throwing a lifeline, towing
you gently through my dreams.


by George

 

binx
Posts: 28
Joined: Mon Mar 04, 2019 1:06 am

Re: Jennifer, Not Here

Post by binx » Mon Mar 18, 2019 3:17 pm

Matty11 wrote:
Sun Mar 17, 2019 5:36 am
Enjoyed this George. Inventive (especially L4). The line break in L5 rather snaps the line, though I presume the intention was to reflect the sense of 'half'. If the latter, the device feels contrived in such a heart-felt write.

best

Phil
binx wrote:
Wed Mar 13, 2019 3:13 pm
Daughter I never had,
tugging my arm-sleeve 
hanging heavy as an anchor
rooted to the tip of my tongue. 

I toss restlessly in half
sleep, a boat captain
throwing a lifeline, towing
you gently through my dreams.


by George

Hi, Phil. Thanks for the suggestion. Not getting that same contrived feeling here.  
But thanks. Happy other things seem to get your attention in the right way.

by George

 

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