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A Recurring Thought of the Spirit Mother

General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
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Tracy Mitchell
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A Recurring Thought of the Spirit Mother

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Fri Mar 15, 2019 9:59 pm

~


A Recurring Thought of the Spirit Mother

Some sound equivalent of neon sign lettering
outlines my body, then seizes
my ontological self in multiples, elongating
like accordion bellows toward rhapsodies
of raspberry and honey. I am turned
to liquid, a liquid music surging
like mountain creeks in spring rushing onward and downward
through zigs and zags, one to the next
or sideways
falling through quick twisting passages –
smaller, brighter - glow/gleam,
flush, blush

I am delight, I am bliss
delectation, zest
I am gusto, relishment –

the rushing churning music becomes pure.
I slow, bottom out, like a pond below the rapids.

I open into vast
fields of clear and green –
I am praise.
I become green - a tremolo I am -

I am back . . . I am a leaf.


~

indar
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Re: A Recurring Thought of the Spirit Mother

Post by indar » Sat Mar 16, 2019 3:23 pm

What an uplifting poem. I feel as though I just went for a walk through Muir Woods. We, the children of your "spirit mother" need reassurance these days---after all we still have lives to live. Hope in that last single leaf recalls this reader to the amazing tenacity of life.

Besides the hopeful message is the incredible imagery--the pond that quietly spreads at the end of a rushing stream. From tumult to peace. The sweet confusion of senses the sound of raspberries and honey. (is the accordion whooopie jonn or Lawrence Welk?) (joke).

One nit--the self declaration "I am delight I am bliss" seemed to have no place in the otherwise strong imagery--it seems an abstract intrusion to my reading.

Of course I love the poem>

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Tracy Mitchell
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Re: A Recurring Thought of the Spirit Mother

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Sat Mar 16, 2019 4:27 pm

Thank you for the kind words, Indar. I googled Muir Woods and have another destination on my list now. :)

I think you are right on S.2 - that it doesn't fit with the images. Thanks for the FB.

Cheers.

T

Matty11
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Re: A Recurring Thought of the Spirit Mother

Post by Matty11 » Sun Mar 17, 2019 4:49 am

hi Tracy

I agree with Indar. An uplifting poem. The voice in S2 sounds true to me. Perfect ending.

I was reading a leafy poem last night...

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/ ... 23ae7a41b0

best

Phil

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Tracy Mitchell
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Re: A Recurring Thought of the Spirit Mother

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Sun Mar 17, 2019 1:53 pm

Hi Phil,
I am not sure why I am familiar with Edward Thomas' poem, but I am. I love his use of meter, and [most of the time] diction. Thanks for call that poem back to mind.

Thanks for your comments re: S.2 -- still not sure. Something to sleep on, I guess.

Cheers.

T

Dave
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Re: A Recurring Thought of the Spirit Mother

Post by Dave » Sun Mar 17, 2019 5:30 pm

I slow, bottom out, like a pond below the rapids.
For me this is the stand out line and the perfect ending. Neither stanza 2 nor 4 fit the flow the stream of Consciousness of the rest - indeed they become too SELF - conscious.
Still a lovely well written Poem.
Dave

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Colm Roe
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Re: A Recurring Thought of the Spirit Mother

Post by Colm Roe » Mon Mar 18, 2019 2:37 am

Love the tempo of this, the rise and fall of it.
One or two words I'd consider changing.
But overall, it's fab.

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Tracy Mitchell
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Re: A Recurring Thought of the Spirit Mother

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Wed Mar 20, 2019 11:44 pm

Thanks Colm, I appreciate your thoughts.

I read this at Open Mic last week and a friend was kind enough to record it (audio is still bad) :

Open Mic Reading

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Colm Roe
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Re: A Recurring Thought of the Spirit Mother

Post by Colm Roe » Thu Mar 21, 2019 1:25 am

Thanks for sharing the live link. 
It might be too obvious for you...but why not call it 'A reincarnation through the Spirit Mother' or something like that.
Your title IS better...but the brief explanation before your recital made the poem instantly accessible. 

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Tracy Mitchell
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Re: A Recurring Thought of the Spirit Mother

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Thu Mar 21, 2019 4:16 am

Thanks Colm - you make perfect sense. I think I bear an additional responsibility when reading a poem to an audience which has never heard the poem and has no hard copy to look at to help with the understandability -- I try to give some context and info which allows a person a better chance of following it with one reading. Even basic things which a reader can figure out during the first reading doesn't have the benefit of then going through it a second time with the new understanding in mind. I am still learning how to do this.

Cheers.

T

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