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Pontypool Park: A Formative Year

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Matty11
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Joined: Fri Jan 12, 2018 2:58 am

Pontypool Park: A Formative Year

Post by Matty11 » Sun Mar 17, 2019 6:11 am

revision

Jane's carving on the bench dedicated
to the loving memory of a husband.
Not hers. But she liked his cheeky grin. His hands.

A panting labrador ghosting that breath
of eager life, tramples through the crocus,
snaps at a crisp packet. It is the chase

that butters lips. This morning was burnt toast:
as dry as married sex he'd always say.
Jane carves letters into wood with precision.

original

Jay's carving on the bench dedicated
in loving memory of a husband.
Not hers. But she liked his cheeky grin. His hands.

A panting labrador ghosting that breath
of eager life, tramples through the crocus,
snaps at a crisp packet. It is the chase

that butters lips. This morning was burnt toast:
as dry as married sex he'd always say.
She carves letters into wood with precision.
Last edited by Matty11 on Sun Mar 24, 2019 12:31 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Tracy Mitchell
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Re: Pontypool Park: A Formative Year

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Sun Mar 17, 2019 2:19 pm

Intriguing, Phil.

I feel dense this morning and am afraid I don't have the characters straight.

There is the Jay, the carver. There is the husband memorialized. There is the female who likes his grin and hand. There is the owner of the grin and hands. There is the guy in S.3 who quotes [himself]. There is the female carver [in S.3]. I know there is plenty of overlap -- maybe 2-4 characters. Jay is usually a male's name where I live, but not always. If Jay is the one female throughout the poem it is a different story.

Still, there the strong sense of remembrance, nostalgia, and perhaps regret or emotions unresolved.

T

Dave
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Re: Pontypool Park: A Formative Year

Post by Dave » Sun Mar 17, 2019 5:06 pm

As far as I can tell Jay is a Woman, though it does't really matter. She had a lover who has died and she is now carving his Name on a bench. The lover was married too. The lover once commented that sex in marriage was dry like burnt toast, which is exactly what she had this morning (burnt toast - dry sex?).

I loved this. A well crafted Little picture of love and loss and dedication. I don't know Pontypool but I can just imagine it as a background to this.

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Tracy Mitchell
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Re: Pontypool Park: A Formative Year

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Sun Mar 17, 2019 5:41 pm

Thanks Dave -- I get it now, and needed your explanation. Succinct.

I now like the poem a lot. :D

Cheers.

T

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Colm Roe
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Re: Pontypool Park: A Formative Year

Post by Colm Roe » Mon Mar 18, 2019 3:09 am

S1 Can read as just an affair that lasted too long...she enjoyed his company, and his fingers  :shock:
S2 He was a lusty man who'd shag anything.
S3 Although it was only an affair, she liked him more than he knew.
Absolutely loved this. All three stanzas are good, but S2 is fab. 'tramples through the crocus' for me
was the key...the fact that you used singular (her 'lady garden') instead of crocuses.
So much to appreciate in this poem.
And (without checking) I assume Pontypool is a Blackpool type place where the plan is to get pissed as often as possible, and shag as much as possible!
 

Matty11
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Re: Pontypool Park: A Formative Year

Post by Matty11 » Mon Mar 18, 2019 6:59 pm

Thanks Tracy, Dave and Colm. Dave's reading was my intention. I don't know why I picked 'Jay' for the woman's name. Perhaps because of the bird species.

cheers

Phil

indar
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Re: Pontypool Park: A Formative Year

Post by indar » Mon Mar 18, 2019 11:38 pm

It's interesting that the narrative seemed more confused by the woman and the woodcarver--surely it was not the woman who carved wood. Even I, a woman and sculptor had to read it a couple of times before I realized I was making an assumption. After I chastised myself I got it.

Matty11
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Re: Pontypool Park: A Formative Year

Post by Matty11 » Fri Mar 22, 2019 8:05 pm

Thanks Indar. I  have repeated and changed the name for clarity.

best

Phil

indar
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Re: Pontypool Park: A Formative Year

Post by indar » Sat Mar 23, 2019 2:54 pm

The revision clarifies all. :)  I really like the device of the similarities between the dog who loves the hunt and the dog's master--also a dog--hmmmph.

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Tracy Mitchell
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Re: Pontypool Park: A Formative Year

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Sat Mar 23, 2019 3:48 pm

Love the revisions. Now I get it, and really like the presentation.

Cheers.

T

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