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Matrix

General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
indar
Posts: 1009
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:00 pm

Matrix

Post by indar » Fri May 17, 2019 8:16 pm

Matrix

Before the cauldron at the center
settled down, content to build mountains, islands,

before continents sorted themselves out 
on the spinning surface,

before floors of seas never seen
turned to stone,

how did crystals, raindrops and most things wet
decide to harden, freeze, grow six-sided,

what was in the works to entice green fern valleys
to spring forth from harvested sunshine,

how did space and beauty summon eyes
to admit images of light and color,

what music streamed or words of languages not yet formed
call into being a capacity to question, love, know the tragedy,

to what end the temporal,
temporary use of such awful mystery?





 

ajduclos
Posts: 225
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2019 7:35 pm

Re: Matrix

Post by ajduclos » Sat May 18, 2019 1:24 pm

Ah... "to what end the temporal, temporary use of such awful mystery?"      Indeed !!!!!  What is the point?

I love the use of the word "temporal" here in all it's subtle meanings.............

Such a wonder, a progression, you delve into and paint vibrantly.

I have read "Matrix" several times, and will undoubtedly read it several more.

Aj

 

 

Lecram06
Posts: 129
Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2018 7:13 pm

Re: Matrix

Post by Lecram06 » Sat May 18, 2019 8:32 pm

indar wrote:
Fri May 17, 2019 8:16 pm
Matrix

Before the cauldron at the center
settled down, content to build mountains, islands,

before continents sorted themselves out 
on the spinning surface,

before floors of seas never seen
turned to stone,

how did crystals, raindrops and most things wet
decide to harden, freeze, grow six-sided,

what was in the works to entice green fern valleys
to spring forth from harvested sunshine,

how did space and beauty summon eyes
to admit images of light and color,

what music streamed or words of languages not yet formed
call into being a capacity to question, love, know the tragedy,

to what end the temporal,
temporary use of such awful mystery?





 
A poem of majestic mystery right before our eyes. Lecram06
 

indar
Posts: 1009
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:00 pm

Re: Matrix

Post by indar » Sun May 19, 2019 3:00 pm

Thank you both for your kind words, oh brothers in poetry :)  So glad you are continuing to participate at TTB.

Tim J Brennan
Posts: 562
Joined: Mon Jan 22, 2018 7:59 pm

Re: Matrix

Post by Tim J Brennan » Sun May 19, 2019 7:50 pm

...the beginning of this surprises me a bit only b/c of the finality of your language ("settled down" / "sorted themselves out" ). I've always thought theses things are ever-going and in a constant state of evolution (for want of a better word).

It does swing around nicely toward being more logically temporary so maybe that's your point. It was just a bit "put-off-ish" at the beginning for my taste.

indar
Posts: 1009
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:00 pm

Re: Matrix

Post by indar » Sun May 19, 2019 8:45 pm

Of course the planet continues to change--tectonic plates (of which I am only too aware here in CA), weather patterns and so forth are evidence we can experience. I was going for where things are at this particular time--experiential vs intellectual. But now that I think about it, bringing up the history of the formation of the planet as we know it in the here and now is an intellectual observation. Don't know how to get around that.

Thanks Tim, for the read and comments.

Dave
Posts: 545
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 4:07 pm

Re: Matrix

Post by Dave » Mon May 20, 2019 9:50 am

Hey Indar
Overall an interesting read in terms of the content. I am not a great fan of poems containing several unanswerable questions, even if  I know they are largely rhetorical. The poem does open one to thinking though. It also allows meditation on the way that humans question life around them.

Dave
 

indar
Posts: 1009
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:00 pm

Re: Matrix

Post by indar » Tue May 21, 2019 6:58 pm

Thanks Dave for the read and comments,

I know I have read somewhere that questions posed in poetry never works well---why not? Isn't that what we spend a lot of our time doing: asking questions? Is Blake too outdated? Who framed thy fearful symmetry? Did he who made the lamb make thee? Outdated questions perhaps but since then aren't the questions getting more complicated?

OK I'm kind of teasing but I really don't know why questions are considered out of place in poetry--could you get back to me on that one? :)

Dave
Posts: 545
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 4:07 pm

Re: Matrix

Post by Dave » Wed May 22, 2019 5:09 am

It is a personal Thing. I don't mind Poems that make ME question and I don't mind a question that Acts as a prompt to a work but Poems that just ask obviously unanswerable questions leave me feeling empty or ultimately in a sort of so what state. As I say, it's just me. I have also asked questions in Poems.
Dave

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Tracy Mitchell
Posts: 993
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 10:58 pm

Re: Matrix

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Thu Jun 20, 2019 10:51 pm

Bravo, Indar! 

Eight stanzas of two unmetered lines each, with a delicious and enticing title.  The opening line and opening stanza are killers.  The poem which follows does not disappoint.  This is a complete and thorough poem.  Beautiful.  The narration is near-breathtaking in both its fluidity and substance.  

My only thought is with respect to the commas at the ends each of the first seven stanzas.  Of course it’s a judgment call, but my sense would lean toward removing them.  They are not needed as an aid to the reader as to how the passages should be read.  Visually the text is cleaner without.  Whatever you think best, though.

This is the best poem PYP has seen in quite some time.

Cheers, and take a bow. :)

T

 

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